I can’t think of a better way to celebrate International Women’s Day than to watch some feminist porn. Or at least learn more about it. The folks at Good For Her have been recognizing pornographers that work outside the confines of stereotypical porn for seven years now with their Feminist Porn Awards. And for those of you who are in or around Toronto, Canada, you are lucky to be able to actually GO to the the 8th Annual Feminist Porn Awards and related activities next month! In addition to the awards, which will be held on Friday, April 5th, there will be a screening of erotic films and a Q&A on Thursday, April 4th, and a Feminist Porn Conference on Saturday, April 6th, at the University of Toronto. Every year at this time I wish I lived in Toronto! Maybe one of these days I’ll make a whole trip out of it and get my butt up there for the awards! Anyway, Happy International Women’s Day!

Actually, I DON’T want to fuck Christian Grey. Well, OK I totally would, but I’d rather fuck Iron Man. I mean it’s no contest! Billionaire? Check. Genius? Check. Playboy? Check. Philanthropist? Check. But wait, there’s more to Iron Man than the attributes listed in one of the best lines in The Avengers. He’s witty, and he’s fucking HOT! Absolutely P.E.R.F.E.C.T. And that’s even before he puts on the suit! Whaaaat! Christian Grey has nothing on him. What’s that, you say? Iron Man is a super hero and not a realistic character? Oh yeah, like Christian Grey is a realistic character! Do you know or know of ANYONE like that? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Besides, even if you take away Iron Man’s superhero status, he still kicks Christian Grey’s gorgeous butt.  Anyway, if we’re going to fantasize about someone, why not make him a super hero (plus all the other stuff)? It’s a FANTASY. Which is why I am talking about Iron Man, and not Robert Downey, Jr. Although I’d bang him too, just in case you were wondering.

Who am I kidding, I’d pretty much bang any of the main characters in The Avengers! I mean just look at the selection! It’s a virtual Smörgåsbord of hot guys (+ one gal), most of whom are superheros. In my estimation, the only difficulty in determining which Avenger character is fuckable  would be prioritizing the list. But that’s exactly what I’m gonna attempt to do. Yes, it’s a tough job but somebody’s gotta do it!

Here’s my “Avengers I Want to Fuck” in order of priority:

1. Iron Man (for reasons already stated above!)
2. Thor (um, he’s god, people! And an uber hot one at that! Imagine the possibilities!)
3. Captain America (hey, I’m patriotic! This is one “boy next door” I want next to me!)
4. Natasha Romanoff (for starters, it’s Scarlett Johansson – duh! Natasha is gorgeous AND she kicks ass!)
5. Hawkeye (he may not be a superhero, but he’s super hot, and he’s also just the right amount of wrong!)
6. Bruce Banner/The Hulk (a “two-for-one” deal! We could start out nice and slow, and then switch to angry sex!)

And here are the Non-Avengers I’d like to fuck:

1. Nick Fury (even with the scars, he’s still a “badass motherfucker” – OK, that’s another movie, but it’s still true!)
2. Loki (he may be the bad guy who gets his ass kicked, but he’s still hot, and he’s still a god!)

Whew….That’s a whole lotta lusting for just one movie…I’m tired (and horny) just thinking about it!

P.S. The new Iron Man movie is coming out and I just watched the trailer. Looks like it’ll be another good one!:

Well, O4Her has been on the interwebs now for four whole years. Yeesh! It may be a drop in the bucket by some standards, but considering this is a one woman part time gig, I’m proud to have kept things generally afloat for 1,460 days.

I want to thank those of you that have stuck around through the “lean” times when I don’t get to posting much (like recently….lol). I am not planning on stopping, so hopefully you’ll continue to check back in from time to time. And as always, let me know if you’d like me to cover some sort of topic.

As previously mentioned, I have a nice juicy piece coming up regarding relationships and life partners. And since I missed 12-12-12 (when I normally would have posted my Top 12 Male Pornstars of 2012 List), I am working on that as well.

Stay tuned, and thanks again for stopping by! Peace!

OK, so my friend JTL sent me this Daily Beast article about how there actually are porn fans of the female persuasion, written by an intelligent porn star, Aurora Snow. Yay! I mean, I knew women porn fans existed but it’s always nice to see confirmation outside my little world. I was ready to just post a link and talk about how great it is that this subject is getting attention, and that maybe it will translate into more porn being made for the female market. Then I started reading the comments. Haters, haters, and more haters! Misogynistic men, judgemental women, and downright idiots and fucktards. Are you kidding me? So of course I had to post a comment. And here’s what I said:

Why so many haters? Why-oh-why can’t intelligent people have intelligent conversations about “taboo” subjects? How pathetic and sad. You think porn is gross or degrading? Then don’t watch it. Just because it’s not for you doesn’t give you the right to spew your judgement about someone you don’t even know. Simple minds believe what they are told by mainstream media – that all porn stars are broken, abused drug addicts. But guess what? There are porn stars with college degrees who speak intelligently and run their own business, and CHOOSE to do what they do. And they call all the shots in their business – how many of us can say that about OUR job? And not all porn viewers are depraved men with nothing better to do. There are women and couples who enjoy watching porn. Because it’s fun and entertaining. Get over it. Not everyone fits into your limited stereotypical view of the world. We all have our own opinion. The mark of intelligence is the ability to debate something with (duh!) intelligence! I’d love to hear from people that don’t like porn – if they could put some coherent sentences together, back up their statements (if you can call them that!) and sound like they are smarter than the stereotypical porn star!!! 

It saddens and disgusts me that in this day and age there are still so many small minded people, who are in the proverbial dark ages of sexuality. It’s why I STARTED this bloody blog in the first place! To get the positive and intelligent conversations started. To let people know – especially women – that enjoying sex is OK! Let’s hope those conversations continue, here and everywhere!

P.S. If you’re interested in seeing more of Aurora Snow, you can find her movies at PornstarNetwork or AdultDVDUniverse.

Hey folks!

Well, it’s been quite a few months since my last post. Thanks for hanging in there with me! I hope you enjoyed your holidays and that 2013 has started out well for you! I’ve been super busy with “life”, but I’m so glad to be back! I have a couple great things in store for you. I’m going to be posting a cool article about female porn fans later today, and then I have a big project in the works. I’ve been collaborating with one of my favorite cohorts when it comes to speaking intelligently about sex/love/relationships, Julius T. Leisure (or as I refer to him, JTL.) We are working on a Top 10 List (it may be more….) of Things To Look For In A Life Partner. Not sure that will be the title, but you get the gist. If you are struggling to find the right person, or wondering if you’re with the right person, this is YOUR kind of list. Stay tuned….

As you may know, I previously decided to go ahead and read 50 Shades of Grey. By the way, I’m only about a fifth of the way through, so I will reserve my opinion for when I’m further into the book. But I just wanted to comment that I continue to see 50 Shades stuff EVERYWHERE! People are still talking about it – the good, the bad, and the ugly. And there are many women who still sing it’s praises. Even my husband’s friend swears that it saved his marriage (they were having NO sex, and since his wife read the book she has been a little vixen!) So, the sensation continues. Supposedly there’s gonna be a movie (though I’m not sure how they’re gonna make it R-rated in order to maintain a great box-office profit.) Meanwhile the porn industry is getting in on it, with all kinds of parodies and knock-offs – and with the ability to show what the mainstream one will not. Fetish and BDSM porn and adult toy sales are on the rise, and show no signs of slowing down. Who knows, maybe this whole thing will change the trajectory of sexual awareness in the United States. Is that an overstatement? Maybe. But as my friend said recently, this book has allowed women to feel OK – even excited – about pushing their envelope, entertaining their own desires, and communicating them to their partner. Who woulda thunk?! Anyway, those are my thoughts for the day. O4Her, over and out.

You had me at sexy men. But this little video is more than that! It’s also a boy band parody of Romney too! Talk about a win-win. Yes, I will make no bones about it, I hate R-Money (thanks JTL for the perfect nick-name!) That lyin’-ass, greedy, pompous, elitist, prejudice douchebag can suck my bung-hole!  But I digress….we were talking about sexy men. Five of them, in bathing suits, singing and making fun of Romney. It’s worth a look-see:

A website that combines sexy erotica and the toys to go along with it? Yes, it really does exist! I found this cool website (or should I say it found me!), and I think it’s pretty dang cool. All you 50 Shades folks especially should be jumping up and down for joy! Thanks to Cassandra over at SexStoriesandToys.com you can read some smut, and then buy the toys, accessories and outfits to go along with it. So when you read it again (you know you will!) you can BE IN the moment. Genius! They’ve got 100,000+ products so there’s no excuse that they don’t have what you’re looking for. And in case you don’t know what you’re looking for, just read a story and get inspired! There are regularly updated stories, and even a community forum to join if you want to discuss anything. Oh, and just in case you’re not in the mood to read, there are also adult movies on DVD.  ”But wait, there’s more!”….in addition to the main website, she also has a regularly updated blog. Yep, she has everything I tell ya!  I hope you enjoy yourself over there – I know I did!

Yesterday I shared some (guy’s perspective) thoughts from my dear friend JTL on dating. Today, it’s about marriage. And like I said yesterday, although this is a discussion about heterosexual marriage, there is much that could apply to same sex marriage/partnerships as well (you know I always try to at least recognize all types of relationships!) Enjoy!:

On Marriage (A.K.A.: Advice for the married ladies):

O4H: There are successful marriages and there are happy marriages. What is the difference?

JTL: It’s all how you look at it.

A successful marriage is a marriage that doesn’t result in violence, emotional damage, financial ruin, or divorce. A successful marriage can be composed of two very happy or unhappy partners. Two people can be married for 50 years and not really know, appreciate, or enjoy each other. Some unions flame out in months. Perhaps people are more set in roles and can find success over time. Successful marriages are generally stable and, sometimes stability is reward enough.

Compare it with a job. People can sit in the very same cubicle and process the very same forms for eight hours a day for 20 years. Do they love what they do? No. Do they have some reward? Sure, salary and benefits. Stability. Whatever.

A happy marriage is just that. Happy. Again, compare with working: there are people who have found their way into work that has meaning for them, that they enjoy, and that they would do for little or no pay.

Some happy marriages are a whole lot of fun, too. People envy happy marriages. But people who sometimes appear happily married still have stuff they deal with or need to deal with. There is no perfection with marriage. Happy marriages have highs and lows. Fun marriages are sometimes inherently unstable and short lived, at least the “happy” portion.

Throw in some children, career, and those happy, spontaneous alcohol-fueled trips to the beach are tempered by lack of spontaneity or alcohol. Suddenly you have…responsibilities and life insurance.
 
As I’ve written before, happiness can be illusory. What is happiness, right?

But successful and happy do not need to be exclusive of each other. Keep in mind without happiness varying to degrees, you’d not know what happiness was, anyway. Same with successful. Relationships need to breathe and follow their paths.

Most of all, marriage is work. Not work to dread (then you know you have problems), but work to never ignore.

O4H: What are the most important keys to keeping a marriage happy? Is there anything a marriage HAS to have to be happy?

JTL: Open and honest-yet-tempered communication. Broken record here. Every text, article, counselor, or bartender will mention communication. Communication is the most obvious success/happy key, but also the most difficult.

I hate be be a nerd husband but my wife is still my very best friend. We were very good and comfortable friends for five years before we were married. This includes a time when I dated two other women. But it was clear that we loved each other. Not necessarily romantically, at first, but as people. Respected. Admired. Loved. And we talked. We still do. Not as much as we could, but we understand each other’s limits and buttons. And, yes, there are areas we all take for granted in our partners. Maybe it’s good to think about stuff THEN talk about stuff.

There is only one long-term predictor of a satisfactory marriage: communication. And by tempered, I mean that if you’re pissed at something and want to actually resolve the discord (rather than throw gasoline at it), find a way to discuss issues that doesn’t doom the outcome.

What to discuss? Everything. World events. Work. Gossip. Sex. Television. Weather. News. Shoes. Take nothing for granted.

But, let’s not get all talky all the damn time. People–men and women–sometimes need some space. Respect space. Be gentle with time. Think. Talk.
 
O4H: How can I tell if my husband is not happy in our marriage?

JTL: If your husband stops talking to you. Not about stuff like garbage day or the cable bill. But goals, desires, novels, box scores, or anything that was worthy of sharing in the dating times then happiness has eroded.

If your husband doesn’t want sex, and isn’t suffering from a brain (or genital) injury, something is amiss. If he becomes a total slob (or any unexpected and drastic change), something may be amiss.

Are you happy? Perhaps your partner is reflecting what he’s receiving. Take a step out and look at the situation, the relationship. Are there arguments? C’mon…YOU KNOW SO QUIT PRETENDING YOU’RE SURPRISED. Situations are important. Context is everything.
 
O4H: Uh-oh. I think my husband isn’t happy. Now what do I do?

JTL: Ask. “Hey, you OK?” Never accuse because you know where that takes us. Try to see if you can shake him out of it through familiar and comfortable activities or treats. Then ask.

O4H: If my husband does not want to talk to me about our problems, what should I do?

JTL: This is truly one of the worst places to be. What to do? I don’t know. Either figure it out or plan to go your separate ways. Again, assess your part and responsibilities in the relationship first. But try to get some sense. Work, family, finances, health. You should have a clue what’s wrong, hopefully.

There’s a time to give some space and there’s a time to force a convo. Decide where you are.

Have a date. Do something together that doesn’t involve talking about problems. Learn to be pals again. Be patient, if possible.

But, hubby has a responsibility. Articulate that with, “You know, I care and that I know your ass, so instead of pretending there’s nothing wrong, remember, I’m your wife and you can tell me and I won’t judge.” Something like that.

I don’t like talking, necessarily, but I do understand I have a responsibility.
 
O4H: I’ve heard that the two main reasons people get divorced are sex and money. Would you agree? Why/why not?

JTL: Yep. Because we are animals and we are Americans. We have biological needs and desires that result–in many cases–in genitals rubbing against each other, and we are victims of a consumerist society with terrible money management skills. U-S-A! U-S-A!
 
O4H: Do you think it’s possible for two people to be happily together for a lifetime?

JTL: I actually do. But be so careful with defining happiness. I do think two people can live together, enjoy each other, support each other, have fulfilling events and things outside of marriage, and have fulfilling things exclusively within the marriage for a lifetime. Yep, I do.

O4H: Complete this sentence: “A happy marriage is….”

JTL: …an illusion, an unattainable destination but something a couple can spend a fun lifetime working toward together.”

: :

The artist known as Julius T. Leisure is a Californian who has lived in Maryland for the past 20 years. He has studied art and psychology. After successfully faking his way into the highest levels of corporate success JTL has settled into a comfortable studio where he makes stuff to see and hear at middlespace, and in assorted galleries where he, invariably, forgets to promote his own shows and misses his own opening reception.