So, I recently read about this couple Jessica and Ryan Cassaday – a husband and wife team who are “experts” about relationships and sex, and co-authors of the book “Stop Wondering If You’ll Ever Meet Him: A Revolutionary Approach for Putting the Date Back into Dating” As I am always interested in these types of subjects, I went to their website to check it out.

The site is well laid out, and has a convenient little media player that plays excerpts of an interview with these two, discussing the various aspects of dating and relationships. So, I watched several, including the first one: “Biggest Dating Mistakes.” Although I agreed with a few things they said, there were two things I completely disagreed with. Let me share them with you, and feel free to weigh in on it yourself:

 1. They suggested that instead of investing the time and energy into a full length date, you should set up a “pre-date” where the two of you meet somewhere public, for only 15-20 minutes, to basically see if you “click”. If you don’t, then you’ve avoided wasting all that time and effort for someone you weren’t meant to be with.  Hmmmm. 15-20 minutes? I think this logic is flawed and here’s why: other than the “love at first sight” type connections – which are rare, I am not sure that this is nearly enough time to form a correct opinion. Case in point? I spent about 15 minutes on their website, and I’ve decided it’s not for me (that is if I were looking for dating advice!) But perhaps I’ve judged them prematurely. Of course now I’m in the middle of a quandary because I’m disagreeing with them and yet saying maybe I’m wrong….He he! Anyway, I digress…

2. In reference to said “pre-date”, which could possibly be at some place like Starbucks, Ryan says that the guy should pay for your coffee. And he goes on to say that they can teach you how to make sure the guy picks up the check. Um, stop right there. Huh? Where do I begin in my vehement disagreement?! I’ll just list a couple things:
 a. You’re a big girl. Get your own damn coffee
 b. Let him know you are not beholden to ANYONE
 c. If it doesn’t work out, why should he have to pay for your coffee? It was just as much a waste of time/money for him!
My opinion? If you’re gonna go on this little “pre-date” type thing (and that’s a big “if”!), then go dutch. Set the precedent right off the bat that this relationship (if it actually becomes one) should be 50-50. If you expect him to pay for everything all the time it will create an inequitable balance, which breeds resentment from him, and creates a weak position for you. Trust me, you will end up ”paying”, one way or another - it just may not be in the way you choose.

OK. So, I’ve said my piece. I’m stepping down from my soap box, and now it’s your turn….Lemme have it!