What, do I live under a rock? I consider myself to be pretty aware of things, and especially when it’s female-oriented. I wouldn’t say I’m a die-hard feminist or anything, but close to it, I suppose. And I swear I’ve never heard of International Women’s Day. Yep, that’s what women around the world are celebrating today. In fact, they are celebrating it’s 100th year this year. Where the hell have I been? The more research and googling I did, the more I have to conclude that under a rock is exactly where I’ve been! Now, to give myself  a break, I will say that this holiday is much much bigger in countries other than my own (the US), particularly Europe, Russia, and the Soviet bloc. Which is a shame, because it is such a great concept! It has been compared to Valentines Day, but I think it is much much more meaningful.

To be honest, I think V Day has become this dreaded day where guys feel pressure to wine and dine their ladies, and the ladies have completely unrealistic expectations (“he should just KNOW what I want…”) And why is it that those same women don’t feel any sort of obligation to do anything for their men? Since when is a Valentine defined as female only? OK, now that my feet are firmly planted on the soap box….Here’s what else is wrong with V Day: it’s limited to only people in love/sexual relationships. You’re a single person? Sorry. You’re screwed on Valentines Day. In fact, it’s the proverbial salt in the wound if you ask me. All those love-struck sweethearts running around being all lovey-dovey and shit. Bleh. And I’m saying this even though I’m in an awesome relationship with a wonderful guy who totally wined and dined me for V Day. And while I appreciate what he did and does for me, to the general concept of Valentines Day, I still say, “bleh”.

Now Women’s Day, that’s something I can get behind. First of all, the title makes it very clear who it’s for. Women. And by the way, I have no problem if someone wants to create “Man’s Day” – in the interest of being fair (despite so many inequalities in the world for women…but I digress….) Anyway, what I also like about it, is that it’s an opportunity to appreciate ALL women. Wives, girlfriends, sisters, mothers, aunts, co-workers, you name it. From all cultures, countries, and walks of life. And it’s also an opportunity for ALL people to appreciate the women that have made a difference in their lives. I mean, this holiday has some substance to it!

So, ladies: Happy Women’s Day. Whether you celebrate with your significant other, your family, or with your gal pals, remember this. You are the backbone of the world. You work tirelessly for others, you have the strength and tenacity of a pitbull, and yet you would give the shirt off your back to someone in need, you would protect your children at all costs, and you have the ability to find beauty in this f’d up world – in fact, you ARE beauty in this world. And so many more wonderful qualities. Each and every one of you can hold your head high, and be proud of being a woman.

Cheers, Peace, and Love to all the women of the world!

OK, so yesterday I went on a rant about how women disregard and disrespect other women when they knowingly have sexual relations with a married man. Women need to change this in themselves, because obviously society seems to care less about the woman who contributed to a married man’s infidelity, and they put the entire focus on the man. Ladies, if you want to be treated equally, you need to take the good with the bad. Take responsibility for yourself and your actions, and how they affect other women.

That’s right, ladies. Make a pledge right now to consider how you affect other women in this world. Make your decisions with that in mind. I’m not saying you should ignore how what you do affects men, but just make sure you are true to other women. Be the kind of woman that could be alone with someone’s husband and regardless of how sexy, smart, rich, or famous he is, you would keep your girl bits to yourself. Imagine a world of women like that. I mean it would almost wipe out infidelity (of course there is that percentage of men that cheat with someone from their own team – and these rules apply equally to them, but to keep things simple for this post I’ll keep it to a heterosexual discussion.)

Chicks Before Dicks!

Maybe you could even carry it into the workplace. Help a sister out. Be a good role model for the younger up and coming women in the company, rather than be threatened by them.

Chicks Before Dicks!

Maybe this might even help with your female friendships. Don’t treat your friends like competition. Help them look as good as they can and be as confident as they can. Even if you’re all single and vying for that elusive “perfect guy”.

Chicks Before Dicks!

Maybe you could be a good role model for your daughter, neice, or other younger family member. Teach her to abide by the rule of honoring other women. OK, you might wanna change up the phrase to make it kid-friendly, but the concept is applicable for all ages. In fact the earlier a girl learns to respect other women, the better. And in learning that women are worthy of respect, she’ll gain self-respect too.

Chicks Before Dicks!

What other aspect of your life could benefit from this concept?….

I’ve been stewing about this for a while and decided to vent. Now before I go on my rant, I want to say that I think what Tiger Woods did was wrong, selfish, unacceptable, and dispicable. He cheated on his wife and family repeatedly and with no regard for how it would affect others. He deserves the scruitiny and shame he’s been getting, and then some. But….(you knew there was gonna be a but) what I want to know is where are the public apologies from the women Tiger Woods was with?

As they say, it takes two to tango, and this is no exception. The women that had sexual relations with Tiger Woods are equally to blame and it’s my opinion that each and every one of them should have to publicly apologize as well. Now, normally there might be the excuse that these sluts (yes, I think they’re sluts – and I don’t use that word lightly) didn’t know he was a married man. Yeah. Except that he is one of the most recognizable people on the planet. I’m not a golf fan, and in fact I have never purposefully watched a golf game, on TV or otherwise. I also don’t watch a lot of sports news, regular news, or really much TV in general. But I know exactly who the hell Tiger Woods is! And so did these bitches (OK, tryin’ to be nice) ladies. And yet despite – and probably because – they new EXACTLY who he was, they f’d him. Many of them more than once!

I know that sex and power, and specifically celebrity are persuasive creatures. And I understand that sometimes feelings, especially of a sexual nature are difficult to ignore. I get it. But seriously, ladies! I really have a hard time understanding how you could knowingly do that kind of damage to another human being – another woman. What happened to girl power? What happened to doing the right thing for another woman in the world? Oh yeah, women don’t seem to have too great of a track record when it comes to that. The guys, they have their saying “Bros before ho’s.” Where’s our saying? Maybe it’s becuase we don’t subscribe to that concept, but I’m gonna start a movement! I’m gonna coin a phrase, and maybe it’ll catch on – in word and in deed:

Chicks Before Dicks! Chicks Before Dicks! Chicks Before Dicks! (see, doesn’t that feel good to say?)

In fact, I think this concept deserves it’s own post, so I’ll just end this and say that this will be continued!

To the ladies that contributed to Tiger’s infidelity, I am waiting to hear your apology. I’ll bet I’m not the only one!

A new survey reveals more women are having wilder sex and watching porn.

I recently came across a fantastic interview on Salon.com with Jessica Valenti, author of The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity Is Hurting Young Women.  Particularly for young women – and anyone with a daughter, this interview is worth the read, but it’s actually stuff that boys/men need to know too. Often I have complained about the double standard that exists for girls vs. boys. And having one of each (though they may be young), I am already starting to see the subtle differences – and I don’t like it! For instance, last sumer my preschool age son and one of his friends were oogling some bikini-clad “keg girls” at a carnival, and the Dads thought it would be hilarious to have the boys get their picture with the women. Now, I’m not arguing about whether it was hilarious – it was, but I guarantee you that if their daughters had been oogling some hunks in speedos, there is NO WAY they would have thought it was at all appropriate to have the girls take pictures with them. All I’m saying is that from a very young age, and often in very subtle ways, we are teaching our children that there are different standards for girls than for boys. And any time we teach inequity, we do our children a disservice. It’s no wonder that many girls/women have an f’d up self image!

Anyway, before I get on another rant about girls/women’s self-image, here’s the link to the article:

The virginity fetish

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“Sex and relationships, infused by the brain.”

I don’t have much time these days to devote to reading other blogs, but I do have my favorites (see my list of “My Favorite Blogs”), and the one I seem to always check regularly (and the one I like to contribute comments to) is Smart Girls Who Do It. Not only are the blog post subjects interesting, but the posts (and most of the comments) are always a great read. Whether witty, funny, deep, informational, entertaining, or any combination, I always find myself getting sucked in to reading everything – even when I “don’t have the time”.  It is one of very few blogs that I get excited about when I see a new post there.  Anyway, this is a personal recommendation, so go check it out!  And let me know what you think!

So, I consider myself to be pretty liberal when it comes to being attracted to different types of guys. I have enjoyed being intimate with a rainbow of men; of various cultures, colors, ages, backgrounds and the like. On a strictly physical standpoint, I think there are examples of good looking guys in every race on the planet, within a fairly large age-bracket, and in varying degrees of height and weight.

And this is the type of thing I was proudly explaining to a friend of mine several years ago. To which he answered – “OK, so if you are so open to dating all types of people, then how about a woman?” And he was not talking about the “one night I kinda hooked up with a girl”, or even the experimental ” lesbian phase”. He was talking about seriously maintaining a loving relationship with a female of our species. Hmmmm. A very good point, I had to admit. And my answer?: “I guess I haven’t met the woman to bring that out in me yet.” (Aside from my crush on k.d. lang, but I haven’t actually met her, so we aren’t able to put that theory to the test!) Of course I thought my answer was a pretty good one at the time, but through the years that question has surfaced in my mind many times. Yes, I am happily married to my soul-mate who just happens to be a man. No, I would not leave him for anyone – man OR woman. But on a purely hypothetical basis, I have asked myself – would I be open enough to consider a serious relationship with a woman?

I would like to say my answer is yes. I mean, love is love, right? I am a firm believer that it’s not what the person looks like, it’s who they are. And if that’s the case then it should apply to anyone at all in the human race, including folks of my own sex. Women. Chicks. Should we not all consider swinging both ways? Playing for both teams? It sure would increase the odds of finding someone, don’t you think? For women, it would be by over 50%, in fact (since women account for just over 50% of the world’s population.)

Of course I think this consideration is much easier to even entertain if you are a woman. I mean, a straight man considering playing for the other team? Yah, right! LMAO! Never. Not in a million years. What’s that? You want to remind me of the “gay for pay” straight guys that have sex with a guy on film for money? OK, maybe it’s a gay guy pretending to be straight, or maybe it really is the very example of what I’m talking about – appreciating a sexy body regardless of sex. But let’s face it, for some reason it is much easier for most folks to enjoy seeing two women together. Certainly straight men have no problem with this. OK, they downright GET OFF on the mere IDEA for goodness-sake (and that is a subject for another post!) But I have to admit that I too would rather see two women together than two men. So why is that? You would think that if straight men enjoyed seeing two women together, then straight women would like to see two men together. And yet, uh……NO! Not my favorite thing. Don’t get me wrong. I can appreciate the concept of two men together. I am a complete and 100% proponent of love/sex/whatever between two men. I think gay marriage should be legal and accepted (also another future post topic.) One of my favorite TV shows of all time is “Queer As Folk”, and I think the guy-on-guy sex scenes were instrumental and absolutely necessary. I absolutely appreciated the love and lust expressed between the characters. But honestly, as a generally straight woman (who is mildly bi-curious…?) I can say with certainty that I would rather see two women together. Any time, any place, in pretty much any and all circumstances. Why? I dunno. I would venture to guess it gets down to a purely physical instinct. Perhaps there is some scientific data/science that backs this up – which I’m sure you could find on the Internet. All I know is what comes naturally to me, and most folks I know.

So, perhaps I should make some sort of conclusion now, following my typical long-winded discourse. And here it is: Two women together? SEXY! Does this mean straight women should try dating other women? I dunno. Is it discrimination if they don’t? I dunno. Two men together? SEXY (mostly to gay men.) Does this mean straight men should try dating other men? Since I’m not a straight man, I don’t feel like I can answer this with any credibility. I’m gonna guess, though, that most straight guys would answer with a resounding “Hell NO!” Is this discrimination? I dunno. And so, the majority of my responses to the questions are?: “I dunno.”

LOL – not sure if my post contained any new/additional/helpful information or answers, but hopefully it got you thinking….That’s the best I can offer right now!

So, it’s been my observation that many 30 to 40-something women seem to be generally at peace with who they are by now.  They have had some experiences, gained some knowledge, and generally feel comfortable with who they have turned out to be – mentally and physically, and in particular sexually.  I find it ironic that women in their 30’s and 40’s (and beyond?) often see themselves as the most complete they have ever been.  This is in spite of the fact that physically they may be at a point slightly beyond their peak.

I’m no expert, so I can’t really give you any specific evidence or professional reasoning.  But, I wager to guess there’s a host of factors.  For one, I think that my generation – and previous ones – have grappled with growing up in a society that still has sexist (and sometimes downright misogynist) viewpoints.  Many are subtle, and a few are pretty obvious.  There is still a double-standard when it comes to parenting a girl vs. parenting a boy.  A promiscuous girl is a slut (negative connotation), whereas a promiscuous boy is a stud (positive connotation.)  That is just one example, but suffice it to say that growing up as a girl provides you with a very different perspective and self-esteem, than growing up as a boy.  I think a woman that has grown up in the current society has to go through several years of self-discovery before realizing what an amazing creature she truly is.  It is this process, this discovery, that finally reveals the complete woman – mentally, spiritually, sexually – and the realization that the physical is secondary to these things.

How ironic that by the time a woman totally “gets it” in the sex department, she is most likely years into a committed relationship, and perhaps not at her physical prime.  I’m not saying it’s a bad thing.  Certainly if the woman can capitalize on this new-found completeness, it is not only to her own advantage, but to the advantage of the guy she’s with.  And one of the things I appreciate about guys is the fact that – and ladies I want you to really hear this – a woman does not have to be perfect to be attractive to a guy.  Sure, there are guys that have ridiculous physical standards – but I’m going to guess that for the most part those guys are so superficial and into themselves that it’s likely they are not going to be that into pleasing you anyway.  And trust me – you want a guy that is into pleasing you!  Most guys – and this is one of the things I love about guys – most of them appreciate you for who you are.  We as women are much much harder on ourselves – and each other (which is another post for another day!)

I am hopeful that this conundrum is diminishing.  I recently read an article about how women currently in college are very comfortable with themselves sexually.  They have no problem admitting they watch porn, and have healthy sex lives.  These are women that have (in my opinion) realized their “completeness” earlier.  And hopefully they will reap the benefits.  I am not saying they don’t have their share of baggage – everyone does.  But I am hopeful and joyful at the prospect that young adult women today are enjoying themselves sexually while they are still at their peak physically.  Wow, what a combination!  Ladies, we are a force to be reckoned with, and don’t you forget it!  We are the whole package – and we should be proud of that.  And regardless of when you realize it, becoming comfortable – becoming proud – of who you are is essential to your well-being.

I wish each of you that feeling of completeness – that feeling of contentment and pride – in being an amazing creature in this world.  In being a woman.  And as much as I try to shy away from any cheesy characterization, male or female, I find myself secretly wanting to beat my chest and say “I am woman, hear me roar!”

So, I was recently talking with my friend and we were discussing how your sex life changes when you have been with someone for a “long time” (I have purposefully made this term vague because the definition of “long time” is different for everyone, but most of us reach that threshold, that point of no return, eventually.)  Mind you, I am not saying it’s a bad thing, just a different thing.  And for many reasons, which I won’t go into because that’s not what this post is about, we seem to sort of settle into a routine (in general and in relation to sex) when we’re in a long-term relationship.

Since sex is unquestionably one of the most important factors in a relationship, and most folks usually strive to stay in a relationship for as long as possible, I think this is worth a post.  Just as all relationships are unique, so are the ways in which we keep our sex life exciting.  Personally, I’ve been with my hubby for close to 15 years.  Yikes that’s a long time!  Well, in my own subjective view anyway.  And yet I feel fortunate that I can honestly say he still turns me on!  Even though the butterflies in the stomach, the twitterpaited (that’s a Bambi reference, however I’m not sure how to spell it….) feeling is a thing of the past, I can still look at my man and get excited that I’m with him.  We still hold hands, even in public, and are generally affectionate with each other (which will no doubt embarrass our kids when they get older. Heh!)  But I will admit that in the day to day craziness of family life, we are not as focused on that physical contact any more.  And I am sure many folks out there have let pretty much all affection fade into non-existence.

So, how do we keep things fresh?  Let’s explore a few options.  In addition to tapping the well of my own creativity, I have some creative girlfriends, and I’ve been able to learn a few things from them.  One of my friends recently said that even if she’s not exactly in the mood, she rarely turns her husband down.  Wow.  I consider myself to be more horny than most chicks, but I’ll go ahead and admit that my dear husband has gotten a fair share of turn-downs! Hey, we’ve got two kids and I’m freakin’ exhausted at the end of the day, so there.  Of course since my friend has two kids as well, I guess I really can’t use that as an excuse now, can I?  Anyway, I asked her why she operates this way, and she said that it really is a pretty simple thing to do for him, she knows it makes him happy, and who wouldn’t want a happy man around the house?  Huh.  Never thought of it exactly in that way until then, but I had to admit she had a point.  Since then, I have tried to put myself in that mindset.  It’s actually easier than I thought.  Especially because I always end up enjoying it once we’re “in process”, and I usually end up thinking – why don’t we do this more often?  So, I try and keep that end result in mind, when I get that little nudge/look/pinch/grope (Dudes.  They’re nothing if not obvious, right?)

Sometimes, the actress in me comes in handy (I’m not talking about faking it, by the way.)  It’s a little exercise called “sense memory”.  I try and recall when we first started dating and how he used to make me feel just by walking into the room.  Those sexy blue eyes, that glowing surfer tan, and rippling muscles, that “commando” bulge in his Levi’s 501’s…..and I’m there!  I think I feel a little tingle down below even just from typing this!  I remember how we would lick and suck and fuck (OK, sometimes it was make love) all night.  Literally, the sun would be coming up.  My mouth was sore from making out so much – not to mention other parts of my body that were sore!  And the passion!  He was so tender and yet so strong.  He knew exactly what to do and when to do it to make me shiver with pleasure.  And now fast-forward several years (and two kids) later, and there he is.  That same guy.  He still has no problem bringing me pleasure!  He’s been there all along, but I guess sometimes I get so busy I forget to see him.  I mean really see him.  Perhaps it’s obvious and cliche, but I’ve realized a trip down memory lane is definitely good for your sex life!

Sometimes, as we grow older and more mature, we find new things that turn us on.  Another friend of mine recently mentioned that seeing a man doing something around the house that he doesn’t normally do would totally turn her on.  Certainly this is not the kind of thing that would have turned me on in my 20’s, pre-marriage.  That’s not really what I was looking for.  But I have to admit that it has a certain appeal now!  I am fortunate that my husband is actually the neat freak of the family (yes, it’s awesome but it does have it’s down side too….another post perhaps….) but I enjoy watching him mow the lawn, put together a new toy, or wrestle with our kids.  I think most women in my stage in life would agree that there’s something about a strong man engaged in domestic activities that’s downright sexy!  The only caveat about this, is that usually when my guy is doing some domestic duty, it’s not exactly the best time to jump him!  So instead I conjure up these images once we are free to do as we please.  Hopefully I won’t blurt out “oh yeah babe, push that vacuum cleaner!” the next time our bodies are entangled in passionate sex….although since he is the neat freak, perhaps he could roll with it….