Yep, February 22, 2011 has been officially named Lady Porn Day, thanks to Rachel Rabbit White (my new hero!) Here’s one of her recent tweets that sums it up:
“Esp. in terms of dealing w/ guilt or body image & sexuality. I want to empower girls who like porn & not erase those who dont.”
Exactly. On so many subjects, including porn and sex, we think we need to take a side and hate the other side. But it doesn’t have to be that way. It’s totally OK to like porn. It’s totally OK not to like porn. What’s important is knowing which one you are and why, and respecting the other camp. If porn ain’t your thing, no problem. And probably any further discussion of it is not necessary for you. I wish you a wonderful day and a wonderful life. Truly, I do!
Now, if you’re like me (a woman who enjoys porn), read on! I’ll bet one of the first things you’re saying is, “Yeah, I like porn but there’s not a lot out there for ME.” Yep, sad but true. Here’s why I think women have a problem finding porn:
1. Most porn is made BY and FOR men. This is true for both straight porn, and of course gay porn – which has hot guys, but not quite in the angles and positions that get your motor going. There is a smaller lesbian market, which has some hot girl-girl stuff going on, but would require a whole different post, so I’m focusing on straight porn here. You may think it is some diabolical plot against women but I think the reason is much more simple. Money. When you create a product, you go after the largest market share in order to gain the biggest profit. Who is the biggest market share for the porn industry? Men.
2. Women don’t buy/watch a lot of porn. I know, it’s a chicken and egg scenario. If there’s nothing out there for us, we’re not going to buy/watch it. But if we don’t make the effort to find something we like, and become a vocal consumer, this will not change.
3. Women have been taught that porn (and in general, a female enjoying sex) is wrong. And in fact we are getting that brainwashing from “both” sides. The conservative side says it is morally and spiritually wrong. And the liberal “feminist” tells us that porn is degrading to women. It’s no wonder we get a guilt trip regardless of our position on the religious/political/ethical continuum.
4. Women don’t feel comfortable talking about sex or porn. With anyone. Not our friends. Not our partners. My guess is that we are afraid of being judged by our female friends. And perhaps we are afraid to open up and expose our fantasies with our partners for fear of being rejected. Whatever the case, women don’t talk about sex and porn nearly as much as we THINK about it!
5. What women like is as varied and complex as what men like. Now, I realize the stereotypical “porn for chicks” is porn that has a story line, lavish sets, a sense of sensual pleasure and passion between the partners, isn’t too “out there” (whatever that means), and of course a handsome guy in it. And this is because a lot of women have said that’s what they want. But I’m here to tell you that this is only one segment of the female market. Women are turned on by much much more. Personally, I get annoyed when there’s too much story line and not enough sex. And as long as all involved look like they’re having a good time, I don’t NEED a lavish set or partners dripping with passion. The one component that is a deal-breaker for me is the guy. Yep, he has to be hot. Hey, we are talking about fantasy here. If the guy doesn’t turn me on, the porn doesn’t turn me on. Fortunately, the industry is finally getting hip to this, and is casting hot guys in porn. Woo hoo!
All of these barriers are starting to break down, but we’ve got a long way to go, baby. And not to sound cliche, but the change starts with YOU. Ladies, it’s time to make the effort to seek out what you like. Buy what you like. Get vocal about what you like (especially with your partner)! If you’re a bit shy, and aren’t up for going “public” yet with your interest in porn (talking about it with others, or going to an adult retail store), there’s a lot you can do privately from the comfort of your own home (or if you’re a bit more daring, your office), thanks to the internet:
1. Google lots of stuff like “porn for women”, “hot guys in porn”, popular porn for women”, and any other keywords that you are looking for. The more specific the better. If you fantasize about being tied up, Google those words! Find out what’s out there. You will also learn more about what you like or don’t like, the more you look.
2. There are tons of sex blogs by women out there. Each with their own personal viewpoint and recommendations. The more you find, the more you’ll find. Trust me – we sex bloggers like to connect! Start with my blogroll, and see where it takes you.
3. There are tons of sex toy websites out there. In addition to tons of DVDs for sale, they have forums and blogs with vocal women talking about what they like, and where to find it. A few of them are: Adam & Eve, Eden Fantasys, Babeland, and Good Vibrations. After doing some research, buy yourself a DVD – or two or three. If you find something you like, get other similar DVDs (same studio, same performers, same genre.)
4. If you want to watch something right away, and/or not spend a ton of money, check out an adult VOD (video on demand) website like Hot Movies For Her.
5. If you like a specific porn star, many of them have a personal website that you can subscribe to, and watch them in action on a regular basis. One pornstar and website that is popular with couples is Kelly Madison. She and her husband Ryan film their sexual encounters and share them with you. They put a lot of thought and energy into making short and entertaining story lines, sexy scenes, sex that’s hardcore but still tasteful, and they love their fans. Whether it’s Kelly, or another star, sometimes following someone specific can help you focus and explore your sexual desires.
6. Once you figure out what you like, SUPPORT what you like. Support your favorite bloggers by clicking on their links, and patronizing their sponsors/ads. Support your favorite adult retail website by buying their products and being active in their forums and blogs. Support your favorite adult websites by subscribing to them. They key to getting what you want, and more of it, is to speak up. And fortunately the internet provides you a way to do it annonymously – if you so desire, and still be heard. You have no excuse. You really don’t!
Well, this turned out to be a loooong post! I guess I’ve got some opinions, huh! Anyway, I hope this has been helpful. This is exactly the reason why I started this blog – because I think women need to talk more about sex and porn. So, let’s get to talking!
