I used to be very frustrated at the movie rating system. I mean, why oh why can you see a human being get brutally murdered in a PG/PG-13 movie (think of the war scenes in the Lord of the Rings for instance), yet seeing two people having simulated sex is considered “bad” enough for an R rating. What is wrong with our society that we don’t think much about the impact of watching killing and dying…but wait a minute – seeing sex, a natural and loving act? Oh no, that’s just horrible! What kind of f’d up world do we live in, for Godssakes!

Then I had children. And they started growing up a little bit. And they started watching PG/PG-13 movies. Now, I’m not even talking about Twilight or The Hunger Games, which for some reason I think are still inappropriate even though they are also PG-13 (hey, just my opinion). No, the ones I have allowed my kids to see are movies that I consider to be, well, I don’t even know how to explain it! I guess, it’s movies with some teaching of morals, right and wrong and such - movies like Harry Potter, the aforementioned Lord of the Rings and the like. Hell, even many Disney movies have some killing and death – albeit not graphic. But basically although these movies involve violence, there’s also some elements of morals and ethics going on.

And this whole concept kind of snuck up on me, ya know? It just dawned on me that I was right there in the middle of that whole controversy of saying that violence is accepted in our society. I’m now one of THOSE parents. And I’m not alone. Most parents I know allow their kids to watch movies with some killing/violence/death. And many of my friends started allowing their pre-teens to watch R-rated movies. Oh, and we can also include video games in this discussion – with their own flawed rating system. And what about books that have similar themes (why isn’t there a rating system for books?…..)

And now that Pandora’s Box is open, it’s not like I can go back and tell my kids, “Hey, Mommy made a mistake! Somehow I let you start watching this stuff, and I don’t like that you’re seeing all this violence, so it’s back to Dora The Explorer!” (Oh, how I miss those days of innocence!) But you know, I don’t know if that’s the answer for me anyway, and I’ll tell you why.

I’ve realized that there has to be a balance here: I want my kids to retain their innocence for as long as possible, and I don’t want to impact their delicate psyche while they are still learning how to determine when something is good or bad. But I also don’t want them to be so sheltered, so naive that it will end up doing them harm. The world is full of bad things. And every once in a while kids are exposed to them, whether you like it or not. And the older they get, the harder it is to keep them from seeing bad things. So, I also want my kids to have a good sense of themselves and what to expect in this world. I want them to have the tools to navigate around, through, or avoid the bad things – and they have to be able to recognize them in order to do this. So. Violence in movies. I guess I’m OK with some.

But here is where I realize why violence is in PG/PG-13 movies and sex is not. I don’t want my kids seeing sex. Not for quite some time! Even if it’s simulated. This is just something that is NOT appropriate for kids – at least ones that are younger than pre-teen/teen. I’m not sure what age I will think it’s OK for my kids to see sex in movies – I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it, but I figure I’ve got at least a few more years! So, I suppose you can expect a post about it at that point! Until then, I send you my sincere wishes that you are able to raise good children in this world. It may seem impossible, but I believe that with a little hard work – and help from rating systems – our kids just may turn out to be OK!

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I wanted to tell you about a website that I use a lot. It’s called Kids In Mind. Instead of an actual letter rating (which as I’ve already mentioned, is subjective), it just tells you exactly what kind of “acts” are in the movie (graphic violence, mild violence, swear words, nudity, sex, etc.) So as a parent, you can decide what is or is not appropriate for your child. Yep! Responsibility for your own child! Now there’s a novel concept!

A new survey reveals more women are having wilder sex and watching porn.

This is my first attempt at erotica….and it’s dedicated to all those couples out there who have been together long enough for sex to be boring – and yet choose to make it exciting!…

It had been a week since she’d seen him. She had been distracted and displaced by a week-long trip with the kids to visit family. He had to stay home and work. In the whirlwind that is coming home, with suitcases, stuffed animals, and half-empty juice boxes, she barely had time to give the father of her children a hug and kiss. Which is why she didn’t notice that look. She didn’t know what he had planned. I mean, she KNEW what he had planned – for goodnessake she had plans of her own! Even a married mom of two has needs and desires. But she was expecting the usual. Which in his defense; in THEIR defense, was not bad – and in fact it had always been a happy ending for both of them! But her husband, her soul-mate, her lover extraordinaire had been known from time to time to kick it up a notch (sorry, Emeril, no doubt that’s not exactly what you had in mind for your signature phrase!) And so, it is no surprise that when the kids’ bedtime approached, their father was uncharacteristically involved in making sure they were P.J.’d, tooth-brushed, and tucked sweetly (and efficiently) into bed. Before she had time to consider her next move, she was being not-so-nonchalantly led to their bedroom. And before the door was partially open, she noticed the flicker that can only come from candlelight. Once completely inside, with the door closed (and locked – hey, no need to scar the kids for life!), only then did she notice the transformation of their bedroom. The entire room was peppered with candles flickering and beckoning her to succumb to their romance. “Passion” by Peter Gabriel was playing on the iPod player. While she was taking in the scene, her man handed her a glass of champagne. “Dang, he must have really missed me!” Which worked out great since she missed him too. It wasn’t long before the champagne glasses were put down, and they found themselves making out on their bed. It’s the kind of making out where you KNOW the outcome. You KNOW you’re gonna get naked. You KNOW you’re gonna do it. There’s no question. There’s no discussion. There’s only the taking off of clothes. He kissed her passionately, and though he’d kissed her that way a thousand times, he still managed to make her feel like they were new in their relationship. Like they were still learning their rhythms, their timing, still discovering each other’s power. With their naked bodies pressed together, he slowly moved lower…..and lower…..and lower. Past her neck, with a momentary focus on her breasts, and then slowly down her quivering stomach, he reached….downtown. By this time she was throbbing down there, and couldn’t wait to feel his soft lips and tongue. He heartily obliged, with the expertise of someone who had been doing this long enough to know EXACTLY what sends her through the roof. And after providing unending moments of pleasure, he began to move his lips back up her stomach. But before she can moan any form of complaint, his hard cock moved in to place, and began to pleasure her in ways that lips and toungue cannot. And after providing unending moments of pleasure, he slowly and carefully removed it, and his lips began the descent again. And so it went for quite some time: a tag-team of toungue and cock; oral and fucking; clit and penetration. And with each switch, it sent her further and further to the edge. In her heightened state of pleasure she couldn’t decide when she’d rather let herself go. Should she wait until his tongue is firmly pressed on her clit? Or perhaps while his hard cock is deep inside her? Either one would provide the exact release she’d been craving for far too long now. She finally realized she could hold out no longer, while he happened to have his head buried between her legs. She moaned – or mumbled – some sort of (for lack of a better word?) warning. With both hands grasping the hair on his head, she felt the waves of ecstasy wash over her again and again….and again! Once he saw that she was basking in the beauty of it all, it didn’t take him long to insert his cock and reach his own ecstasy, all the while she was still pressing his hips firmly into hers. After they both settle down, he rolls off of her and onto his back next to her. They both stare at the ceiling and verbally pat themselves on their backs for still “having it” after all these years…

“Sex and relationships, infused by the brain.”

I don’t have much time these days to devote to reading other blogs, but I do have my favorites (see my list of “My Favorite Blogs”), and the one I seem to always check regularly (and the one I like to contribute comments to) is Smart Girls Who Do It. Not only are the blog post subjects interesting, but the posts (and most of the comments) are always a great read. Whether witty, funny, deep, informational, entertaining, or any combination, I always find myself getting sucked in to reading everything – even when I “don’t have the time”.  It is one of very few blogs that I get excited about when I see a new post there.  Anyway, this is a personal recommendation, so go check it out!  And let me know what you think!

So, I consider myself to be pretty liberal when it comes to being attracted to different types of guys. I have enjoyed being intimate with a rainbow of men; of various cultures, colors, ages, backgrounds and the like. On a strictly physical standpoint, I think there are examples of good looking guys in every race on the planet, within a fairly large age-bracket, and in varying degrees of height and weight.

And this is the type of thing I was proudly explaining to a friend of mine several years ago. To which he answered – “OK, so if you are so open to dating all types of people, then how about a woman?” And he was not talking about the “one night I kinda hooked up with a girl”, or even the experimental ” lesbian phase”. He was talking about seriously maintaining a loving relationship with a female of our species. Hmmmm. A very good point, I had to admit. And my answer?: “I guess I haven’t met the woman to bring that out in me yet.” (Aside from my crush on k.d. lang, but I haven’t actually met her, so we aren’t able to put that theory to the test!) Of course I thought my answer was a pretty good one at the time, but through the years that question has surfaced in my mind many times. Yes, I am happily married to my soul-mate who just happens to be a man. No, I would not leave him for anyone – man OR woman. But on a purely hypothetical basis, I have asked myself – would I be open enough to consider a serious relationship with a woman?

I would like to say my answer is yes. I mean, love is love, right? I am a firm believer that it’s not what the person looks like, it’s who they are. And if that’s the case then it should apply to anyone at all in the human race, including folks of my own sex. Women. Chicks. Should we not all consider swinging both ways? Playing for both teams? It sure would increase the odds of finding someone, don’t you think? For women, it would be by over 50%, in fact (since women account for just over 50% of the world’s population.)

Of course I think this consideration is much easier to even entertain if you are a woman. I mean, a straight man considering playing for the other team? Yah, right! LMAO! Never. Not in a million years. What’s that? You want to remind me of the “gay for pay” straight guys that have sex with a guy on film for money? OK, maybe it’s a gay guy pretending to be straight, or maybe it really is the very example of what I’m talking about – appreciating a sexy body regardless of sex. But let’s face it, for some reason it is much easier for most folks to enjoy seeing two women together. Certainly straight men have no problem with this. OK, they downright GET OFF on the mere IDEA for goodness-sake (and that is a subject for another post!) But I have to admit that I too would rather see two women together than two men. So why is that? You would think that if straight men enjoyed seeing two women together, then straight women would like to see two men together. And yet, uh……NO! Not my favorite thing. Don’t get me wrong. I can appreciate the concept of two men together. I am a complete and 100% proponent of love/sex/whatever between two men. I think gay marriage should be legal and accepted (also another future post topic.) One of my favorite TV shows of all time is “Queer As Folk”, and I think the guy-on-guy sex scenes were instrumental and absolutely necessary. I absolutely appreciated the love and lust expressed between the characters. But honestly, as a generally straight woman (who is mildly bi-curious…?) I can say with certainty that I would rather see two women together. Any time, any place, in pretty much any and all circumstances. Why? I dunno. I would venture to guess it gets down to a purely physical instinct. Perhaps there is some scientific data/science that backs this up – which I’m sure you could find on the Internet. All I know is what comes naturally to me, and most folks I know.

So, perhaps I should make some sort of conclusion now, following my typical long-winded discourse. And here it is: Two women together? SEXY! Does this mean straight women should try dating other women? I dunno. Is it discrimination if they don’t? I dunno. Two men together? SEXY (mostly to gay men.) Does this mean straight men should try dating other men? Since I’m not a straight man, I don’t feel like I can answer this with any credibility. I’m gonna guess, though, that most straight guys would answer with a resounding “Hell NO!” Is this discrimination? I dunno. And so, the majority of my responses to the questions are?: “I dunno.”

LOL – not sure if my post contained any new/additional/helpful information or answers, but hopefully it got you thinking….That’s the best I can offer right now!

You may look at the title of this post and say, “huh?” so let me explain.  I don’t know much about the deaf community.  But I had a great conversation today with a hearing friend of mine who has been taking sign-language classes.  As a by-product of learning to sign, she has also been introduced to some of the complexities of the deaf community that differ from the hearing community.  She also happens to have a mind similar to mine (she seems to gravitate to the sexual questions and observations.)  She was curious to know how a deaf guy would know during sex when his chick has cum, considering he would not be able to hear the “Ohhhhh!” (or some other form of audible confirmation.)  So, she mustered up the guts and asked one of her new deaf friends.  His response?  He said that the partially deaf would utilize their hearing aids, but if that option was not available they would be more “attentive”.  This piqued my friend’s interest, and mine as well.  And it made me draw the conclusion that in theory the deaf would make excellent lovers.  Wouldn’t you like to have a lover who concentrates on being attentive?  Who watches for and learns to recognize every move, every expression, every response – and reacts accordingly?  A lover who is acutely aware of the senses other than sound?  Who pays attention to detail?  Who notices the slightest change in your actions and reactions?  Wow.  I realize that the sounds associated with sex can be a huge turn-on for many people, but isn’t the bottom line about sensation?  And who better to fulfill that desire than someone who is accustomed to tuning in to and interpreting touch and sight?  Now, as I said before I am admittedly uneducated about the deaf.  And I realize that you can not classify any group of people that simply.  In fact, no doubt there are folks out there who have sexual experiences within the deaf community that would refute what I am saying – and rightfully so.  I am merely making a very general theory, based on a very limited viewpoint.  Nonetheless, I mean this theory to be a compliment to the deaf, and it is meant more as a commentary on how all of us could be more attentive during sex – and in general.  I think if we took the time to really pay attention to ALL of our senses, we would notice so much more and benefit greatly from it.  How many times have you been looking right at someone and not “seen” them?  How many times have you misinterpreted someone because you were unable to determine their “signals”?  How many times have you been frustrated that someone didn’t understand you because they were not paying attention?  So, the next time you find yourself sexually entangled with someone – do them (and yourself) a favor and really pay attention to ALL your senses.  I have a feeling you will noticeably improve the experience for both of you!

So, apparently I needed to look up some statistical data to determine my intuitive guess.  And just as I assumed, there are not a lot of women who have orgasms from intercourse – or that have them regularly at all.  I had arrived at this theory, not due to my own experience (I know, I’m one of those lucky bitches who cums pretty easily….more on that later), but due to listening to and reading about other women’s experiences.  Holy crap, there are so many women that have a hard time cumming!  According to my research, about 10% of women have NEVER had an orgasm.  And only about 30% of women can have an orgasm from intercourse only (the remainder need clitoral stimulation to reach that elusive finish line.)  Dang!  Seeing those numbers makes me want to figure out how to improve them!  It’s no wonder that women in long-term relationships tend to have sex less often.  I mean, if you KNEW you weren’t gonna get yours most of the time, and you had already “been there, done that” many times, and then add factors like a busy life, job, kids, that create a constant state of exhaustion, it’s no wonder that most women in a long-term relationship are not really interested in sex nearly as often as their male partner.  I am of course speaking of straight couples – I would imagine that lesbian couples may have an entirely different experience (which perhaps I can explore on a later post.)  Anyway, I came to an “a-ha” moment recently about this.  If a woman like me (who pretty much cums every time I have sex with my husband), still finds herself turning him down due to exhaustion and/or just not being in the mood (we women are complex creatures – even those of us that are pretty comfortable with our sexuality), then how much more difficult must it be for a woman who doesn’t normally reach an orgasm to agree to sex with her long-term partner?  I mean, I may start out being sort of half into it, but by the time I am basking in the afterglow, I am always glad I succumbed to my husband’s advances, and am usually wondering why we don’t do it more often.  But I have to be honest and say that if I knew it was only going to be for his pleasure, I would most certainly turn him down more often.

So, I am a firm believer that in order to fix a problem you have to understand why it’s happening to begin with.  According to my research, there are a few reasons why women don’t/can’t orgasm.  Apparently there are some biological reasons (some women just seem to be more predisposed to cum than others.)  Experience plays a part, too.  As women have more sexual experiences, they are able to learn what turns them on, and what exact physical stimulation is required for that elusive “O”.  And most experts agree that the woman’s mental state has a lot to do with it.  If you are inhibited, anxious, nervous, stressed-out or otherwise preoccupied, reaching an orgasm is virtually impossible.  There are scientific reasons for this, and if you’re interested, there’s a wealth of information on the web for you to discover.  But since I don’t want my blog posts to be anthologies, I will let you do your own research on the details.  Suffice it to say that if your mind isn’t on the same page as your sex-drive, you’re spinning your wheels.  Unlike guys, who can easily shut off their minds during sex, we women have to jump through a few more hoops to “get there”.

So, HOW do we get there?   Well, as with most important things in life, the answer is extremely complex, and dependent upon the individual.  But I did seem to find some common themes in my research.  Here are a few tips:

- If you have no problem reaching an orgasm when flying solo (masturbating), then your problem is more likely mental.
- Use clitoral stimulation in conjunction with intercourse (does it really matter how you get there as long as you get there?)
- Try new stuff (you never know what may hit that high note for you!)
- Speak up!  Tell him what he needs to do to get you where you want to be
- Do whatever it takes to rid yourself of stress, anxiety, and any other roadblocks – at least during sex!

That’s just a brief excerpt of the information I found.  If you are interested in learning more about how you can improve your own orgasm odds, I recommend you do some research on the web that you can tailor to your own needs/situation.  In addition, there is some great information on some of my favorite websites: Babeland, EdenFantasys, and Hot Movies For Her.  If you are committed to improving your sex life, there’s a good chance will be successful!

Here’s to more orgasms more often for women everywhere!

I just added my O4her aStore through Amazon.com!  I have hand-picked items that I think would appeal to women, in three categories:  books, DVDs, and apparel.  This is just the beginning.  I will be refining my store as I go along, and adding more categories and things like listmania’s, etc. and building up a list of exclusive reviews just for my O 4 Her chicks!  The sheer selection available through Amazon.com was enough of a reason to have a store through them.  There are really some great items, and I look forward to personally reviewing many of them as we go along on this O 4 Her journey!  If you would like to recommend a particular item – either in my store or not – just add a comment.  If it’s not in my store, I’ll put in there as soon as I read your comment!  I hope you enjoy browsing and shopping as much as I have! See below for a sampling of my store, or click on the link in this post, or under my “Sexy Shopping” section to the right. Enjoy!

So, I just recently watched the movie “Miss Potter”, which if you don’t already know is about the famous children’s book author.  In addition to enjoying an excellent movie, I was also struck by the extreme restrictions placed on women – particularly as sexual beings.  Not that I wasn’t already aware of this subject, but it was a vivid reminder.  I am absolutely amazed at the fact that ANY sex-positive thoughts at all made it through that era to be passed down to future generations!  And I have drawn two conclusions from this:

1.  Being sex-positive must be a natural instinct.  Otherwise, how could it survive such strong suppression, for such extended periods of time, in so many places in the world?

2.  We ALL owe a great debt of gratitude to those in previous eras who bravely paved the way for us.  Certainly we still have improvements to make, but at the risk of sounding cliche: “We’ve come a long way, baby!”

Anyway, just a quick little post here….more later.

The board and judges of the Sex-Positive Journalism Awards have announced the winners of the 2008 Sexies.