So, you’re off to Australia on your honeymoon. Lucky you! And while you’re packing your suitcase, you decide that along with some sexy lingerie and candles, you’ll pack your “Pirates” DVD too, just to help set the mood for you and your new husband. Sounds romantic, doesn’t it? Fast forward to you and your hubby on the plane, having lived through thirteen hours of the fourteen hour flight, all excited to start your honeymoon in the gorgeous “land down under”. The flight attendant hands you a customs card, and you start answering questions. They’re pretty much the usual – What country are you from? What countries will you be visiting on this trip? Are you traveling for business or personal reasons? Are you bringing more than $10,000 in cash? Are you bringing anything to sell? Do you have any pornography in your possession? Do you…..wait a minute! What? Yep, that’s right. Australia wants to know if you’re bringing in pornography.

After recovering from minor shock and disbelief, you start trying to mentally go through your things to recall any sort of pornographic items. Um, well, does your little homemade sex video count (you think you left it in the video camera you brought)? How about that picture you took of your boobs on your iPhone, along with the sexting, and sent to the hubby (it’s now on your phone AND his)? And I guess you’ll have to mention that DVD of “Pirates” now, won’t you? So, you begrudgingly decide to go ahead and list those things on the card, and soon the plane lands. You and your man give your cards to customs. They read the cards over. They tell you to come with them. They take you to the customs office and during the interrogation questioning, you learn that “Pirates” is illegal to import. (That’s right, folks - it is actually LEGAL to posses, but baby you just imported it!) Assuming you told the truth on the card (if you didn’t, you’ll be fined up to $11,000 for that), you’ll only be slapped with a fee for importing banned material that could reach up to $275,000! Yep, you read that right! Two Hundred Seventy Five Thousand Smackaroos. Hmmmm. Aside from the re-donkulous fine, what about the invasion of privacy? With all the concerns over privacy on the web, who would have thought we’d have to worry about it when entering a “modern” country? What a great way to start your honeymoon and your marriage, don’t you think?! So, for those of you that are planning a trip down under, you might want to pay special attention to what you bring (or don’t bring). You can thank me by sending me a postcard!

P.S. Here’s the article where I read about this craziness:

Yes, that’s what I said – you can learn from porn (and when I say “you”, I’m refering to those of you out there who are heterosexual women – or at the very least, someone who likes or wants to like sex with a man.) And the porn I’m talking about isn’t an adult “instructional” video (although some of them are pretty cool.) I’m talking about your garden-variety, made for the heterosexual male audience, adult movies. Sure they can be cheesy and crass, and many are borderline or downright degrading to women. But hidden within the typical porn scene, there are some nuggets of information that can improve your sex life (and your partner’s too.)

First, let’s go over some of the things you will NOT learn from porn (though I suspect most of you already know this…) You will not learn how to love, or be in a loving relationship (sex is only PART of the picture). You will not learn how to be a porn star (there’s a lot more to it than what you see in a porn scene.) And you will definitely not learn how to balance the sexual aspect of your life with all the other aspects, mearly from watching porn.

 Now that we’ve defined our expectations, here’s what you CAN learn from porn:

1. What kind of sex does a man like? Do you think you already know this? Think again. Watch some porn – you might be surprised. And yet, it’s actually pretty logical. Most porn out there is created and marketed with the male audience in mind (one of my pet peeves, for sure, but that’s another topic for another post!) And ladies, those men out there are buying and watching it in droves (yes, probably YOUR man, whether you know it or not.) Sex, and particularly masturbation, is one of the most honest actions out there because you can not make yourself get off on something that doesn’t get you off. With a partner, you may be able to “fake” it, but you’ll never be able to truly get off unless you are doing or watching something that really turns you on. My point is, the porn that’s popular is popular because that’s what gets men off – even if they choose not to admit it to you.

2. I’ve seen what kind of sex the typical man likes, but now what? So, I’ve watched some porn and seen what’s popular. So what? How does that apply to me? I’m not a porn star. I can’t/won’t do what they do! Can I? Well, here’s my philosophy. If you are in a loving relationship, or if you at least are motivated to please your man, then why wouldn’t you want to give him what he wants? (Of course, the caveat here is that you have EVERY right to ask him to give you what you want in return, but again that’s another post for another time.) I don’t know why it is that this concept is so difficult for many women, but it’s where I part company with them. Most likely you’ve got this concept down in other aspects of your life – you cook him what he likes. You give him gifts you know he likes. So, why should sex be different? Give him what he likes. That may not sound very “feminist”, but hear me out. Certainly there are boundaries. If you are truly not comfortable with something then absolutely don’t do it. No one should ever force you to do something against your will. But if you are just holding out because you find something ”icky”, or because you are too lazy to learn or try something new, or perhaps you like playing games by witholding what he likes, then it’s time for a reality check. There’s give and take with everything in a relationship, and sex is no different. Just because it doesn’t turn YOU on, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. And just because you act like a porn star doesn’t mean you ARE one. It’s OK to enjoy sex. It’s OK to enjoy pleasing your man. It is not wrong, evil, and it doesn’t have to be degrading. Do your man a favor! Do yourself a favor! Pick one move that you saw in a porn scene, and just try it the next time you’re with your man. Men are simple creatures. Something as simple as spitting on their dick while giving them a blowjob will probably send them over the edge! Even if that particular move doesn’t seem to do much, he will appreciate your effort. Either way, go back and pick another one. And another one until you have a nice bag of tricks. You think I’m full of shit? Try it – and then come back here and post a comment. I’ll approve all comments, positive or negative, as long as they are true feedback about this topic.

 3. Enjoy pleasing your man! OK, like I said you don’t have to get off to it yourself, but just look at how much fun your guy is having. I don’t know about you, but turning my man on turns me on. Seeing that look on his face when I rock his world gets me closer to my own nirvana. And over the years I’ve actually become more and more “into it”. I like playing the sexy slut (yes, I said slut) who’s only for his eyes and his enjoyment! Perhaps that’s why we still rock the bedroom even though we’ve been having sex with each other for over a decade.

 So, in conclusion, I recommend at least a small dose of porn on a regular basis. These days, it’s super easy to watch porn in the privacy of your own home, when it’s convenient for you. Perhaps I’ll do a follow-up post with more information on finding good porn online. In the meantime, check out my links list to the right – it’s all stuff I enjoy. I hope you do too!

“…women tend to be more “discerning” shoppers – they want to know where the content is coming from, do the producers/sellers care about them or are they just about a quick buck. As opposed to guys buying with their penises, I think more women shop with their head and heart.”
- Venus Vegas

As many of you may know, I love the website HotMoviesForHer.com! And fortunately I happen to know one of the amazing women running things over there! She is known as Venus Vegas (see her bio for more info on that moniker!) I enjoyed coming up with questions, and enjoyed even more reading her responses – she is such an intelligent and amazing woman! I particularly liked what she had to say about women’s taste in porn and how it impacts younger women and girls. As a mom of a young girl, that REALLY struck home with me, and I completely agree with her opinion. It’s a complex world we live in, and although I am absolutely liberal when it comes to sexuality and freedom of speech, I am also acutely aware of the affect the “world” has on the young and impressionable. I am all for free speech and expression – when it is exposed to the appropriate age. Perhaps I will write a post about that subject in the future. Anyway, I digress. I want to thank Venus Vegas for taking the time and effort to answer my questions! Without further ado, I give you the interview with Venus Vegas @ HotMoviesForHer.com:

O4Her: What is your “official” title at Hot Movies?

VV: I wear many hats! I started and run HotMoviesForHer.com, and I also manage webmaster affiliate and studio accounts for all of our VOD sites, as well as marketing and helping development of our affiliate program MovieDollars.com. I also attend almost every single trade show, which is pretty much a monthly task!

O4Her: How did you find your job at Hot Movies, or did it find you?

VV: LOL, this is a long back story [so] I will try to keep it as short as possible! Years ago I was going to school for fashion design and worked at a fetish boutique in West Hollywood, which definitely opened my mind to the risqué side of the world – I loved it. Fast forward a few years and some personal issues that set me back, I was working at a bakery when I learned I had Celiac disease (cannot eat gluten, ie: wheat, most common grains), and had to find a new job that would not make me sick. Since job hunting is oh so thrilling, I saw an entry level job listing at HotMovies.com, and I thought, “I think this is porn… this sounds like fun until I find a real job.” Well, 4 years later and some positions higher, I’m still here and I love it.

O4Her: How do you explain your job to strangers?

VV: Ha, depends who the stranger is! Usually I babble on about internet marketing and SEO (search engine optimization). Some people are quick [to] judge when you mention “adult” industry, either that you’re a complete perverted heathen, or that you’re a complete perverted nympho.

O4Her: Since launching Hot Movies For Her two years ago, what changes have you seen in regards to women looking for porn?

VV: I don’t think that much has changed in women searching for porn… over the past few years and as time goes on I think more women are seeking it out and also know a little more of what they’re looking for, and more acceptance from society definitely. When I started the site a couple years ago, I saw an opening in the “female” market that I felt we could serve – more video options, discrete online purchasing and viewing without monthly commitments. Overall there is much community in the adult web space, but I think it’s even closer in the side that markets to women, because it’s not just about money, it’s a personal investment as well. I think most female run adult businesses care about women in general.

O4Her: Have you learned anything surprising about women’s taste in porn?

VV: Honestly, after working for a fetish company, NOTHING surprises me about what turns people on… I think the most surprising is possibly the increasing amount of mainstream exposure in magazines and talk shows. They’ve always talked about sex – “10 New Hot Ways To Turn Your Man On!” every month, so you’d think it would be a natural progression into recommended porn, but at the same time I know I wasn’t the only pre-teen reading those same magazines, so it’s a little awkward at the same time. While I think sex and porn are great, I think the current trend of mainstream over-exposure can be damaging to young girls. When I was growing up, when people even kissed on TV you’d hear the audience “OOoooOOOhhh”… now every teen show is all about sordid sex scandals. I think it gives the wrong impression. Sure, people might say it’d be good for our business later, but I think the fact that it’s marketed to teenagers by non-adult companies is just wrong. Porn gets a lot of slack, but I think the mainstream companies are pushing way too many limits. Wow, sorry, I rambled off track there a bit… basically I think the mainstream exposure is helping in the acceptance of women that it’s OK to watch porn, but also that the exposure is starting at too young of an age, when girls shouldn’t have to not only worry about the pressures of sex, but the pressures of being overtly sexual. On the other hand, I think the recent show “The Secret Lives of Women” on WEtv, with their episode on porn stars, gave a good insight into the performer side. They also featured Buck Angel, who was born female but identifies as male, who I know touched a number of people who feel the same way. I think real life exposure like this is good. I think understanding your own sexuality and what turns you on comes first, and porn comes second in helping explore your fantasies and filling and complimenting any needs you may have.

O4Her: Why do you think there should be adult websites specifically for women?

VV: There’s debate pro and against this. I see the points from both sides, and working for a company that (until I came along!) marketed predominantly to men, I say there should be. If only for a couple main reasons. One, I’d say at least 95% of adult websites are geared towards men, and I’ll honestly say a lot of content being made is just not good. The sex isn’t real, it’s all about the “money shot” and the way it’s shot the performers aren’t in positions that are natural. That may appeal to some women, but “women’s” sites usually feature content that gets lost in that mix – real sex, more erotic foreplay, focus on the women’s pleasure (and the woman is truly pleasured!), not degrading to women in general. A lot of this content is made by women, and not as easily accessible from elsewhere.

Another reason, which is debatable (but I know I personally feel this way when I buy), is that women tend to be more “discerning” shoppers – they want to know where the content is coming from, do the producers/sellers care about them or are they just about a quick buck. As opposed to guys buying with their penises, I think more women shop with their head and heart. At least some of the time

O4Her: What are your predictions for the next two years regarding women and porn?

VV: I definitely think it will be even more acceptable than it is today. I do believe that there are some women who do like porn of any sort, however I think a lot of people who say they don’t like it just haven’t found good porn that turns them on. I know I can blow through a bunch of movies I think will be good until I find one that I actually find hot. The goal of sites for women, including [Hot Movies For Her], is to help find that hot porn.

I was actually talking to an old friend this weekend who I hadn’t seen in years who said she knows nothing about porn. I think this is common, and for some people, it won’t make any difference in their lives. On the flip side for others though, I think if you can find what turns you on it can do wonders not only for your sex life, but even in your own sexual fantasies.

O4Her: Do you think being a “sex-positive” woman is an advantage or a hindrance in the dating world?

VV: Ahh, you know I’d like to think it’s an advantage, but I think for me I tend to find the guys that start to get funny ideas in their head! Overall, I think it’s an advantage because it’s basically just self-confidence… I know what I like and I’m not afraid of it, so it helps not only in the sack, but in the dating world of sifting out the assholes (kind of).

O4Her: What advice can you give to a novice (a woman who has never viewed porn)?

VV: Basically, do you know what turns you on? I think subconsciously most people know, but it takes a bit to figure it out on a conscious level. I also think porn is a great way to explore fantasies that you don’t necessarily want to act out in real life. Movie reviews can help weed out good from bad, things that are portrayed that you want to see or don’t want to see. I also think written erotica is a good way to explore as well, words are much less in your face than video. Once you find something you like, start exploring from there – the director or studios other works, what other movies one of the stars was in, or even other movies in that niche.

O4Her: What is your favorite movie at Hot Movies For Her, and why?

VV: I have a number of favorites, but my ultimate favorite is “The Good Girl” by Erika Lust. She’s an independent filmmaker from Spain, and she captured just enough of the pre-sex build up and then a quality sex scene that stands out from much of the mass produced sex scenes that are made. A close second are the movies from Stella Films, by Estelle Joseph. She matches stars with chemistry that comes across very hot on video, and also uses music that isn’t tacky!

O4Her: I have been enjoying reading your blog on Hot Movies For Her! I’m going to guess you are a fan of music, so what are you listening to these days?

VV: Well, I can’t take credit for our Friday “Mixtape Rewinds”, where we feature random music picks. But all of us are music fans, with varied tastes! My personal tastes run the gamut – I did my first “Mixtape Rewind” and I featured a Russian singer that I heard in a recent cab ride. [editors note: see Venus' blog for more info on the cab ride!]

O4Her: Do you have a favorite porn soundtrack?

VV: Currently no. But if I had my wish, there would be an excellent sex scene set to anything by Rob Zombie. Or the Cramps, their music is very sexy too.

O4Her: You go to a lot of adult trade shows, and I’m sure you’ve seen some interesting things. Can you share any highlights – stuff that has a “sexy-factor” or a “weird-factor”, or is otherwise juicy?

VV: You’d think I would! Most of the shows I attend are webmaster shows, so it’s business to business web people (with tons of naked girls around). I tell my friends stories that I think are mundane, and they’re like “Your job is like Mardi Gras!”. I guess I’m jaded? I think my favorite part is to meet the people behind the scenes, producers and performers, and hear their side of what they do and how they like it. I remember one time talking with Joanna Angel a couple years ago, telling her how I love her movies and how she always found hot guys, but I couldn’t take all of the gagging in the movies, to which she said how the girls want to do that. Even though I know a lot of women like sex in ways that other people might find “degrading”, it’s always good to hear that the performers are into it, regardless if you actually like to watch it. I think this spans across a lot (not necessarily all) content.

O4Her: Do you have any tips, “insider info”, or advice for users of HotMoviesForHer.com?

VV: I’d like to think everything is self explanatory, but I know it’s not LOL! I guess the biggest thing is that even though we are part of a much larger company, and we are a real team of women that run the site, right now there’s 4 of us. One thing I love about our company is that we’re honest and don’t scam our customers in any way.

O4Her.com: Can you give me a shameless plug for Hot Movies for Her? Maybe the benefits and advantages to using the site?

VV: I think our two biggest benefits are our blog and our video site. Our blog is free, fun and informative. We also don’t just write about Cosmo style sex, we touch on lesbian and gender identity topics and issues. Two of us are straight, and two of us are lesbian, including J.D. Bauchery, who is our resident “sexpert”. We write about everything from, “George Clooney is Single -He’s Mine Now!” to the latest in GLBT rights and sex scandals, as well as interviews with top stars and female producers. We also have industry guest columns from Nica Noelle, a seasoned lesbian performer and director/producer, and Audacia Ray, a former sex-worker/advocate/writer and award nominated director. I think one of the challenges of doing a women’s site on a whole is that so many women are completely different, and even if you are born with a vagina doesn’t mean you’ll fit the mold of what society thinks a typical “women” is, and we try to make everyone welcome and find things that will interest them. On a video side, we review different movies and have different “theaters” based on a number of different genres, but we don’t limit our selections – we know everyone has varied tastes and we’re not here to tell them they have to watch this video or that video. Our site is great because it’s not only discrete online viewing (no embarrassing video store trips or DVDs lying around), but there’s no monthly or recurring fees. All new users get 10 minutes free, and you have the option to purchase more in the future. You never get charged unless you make a purchase, and your unwatched minutes never expire. You don’t have that pressure to watch just because you paid for the month. We also have a lot of “for women” content that you can’t find at other sites with the same set up as ours. And finally, because the site exists because we love it. No one is forced to work on it (yes we get paid, but we chose to work on it) – the site was born out of personal beliefs, and fortunately has grown into something that I hope women (or anyone) can enjoy.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”  – Eleanor Roosevelt

I think most women out there believe that being a stripper, porn star or prostitute is degrading to women. And they may be right, but I have a different viewpoint.  As with all things in this world, nothing is black and white, and I believe that to understand anything you have to understand the context and personal motivation involved. In other words, you need to understand things like why the person is doing what they’re doing, and also what is that person’s own perception of it? If the person involved doesn’t consider it degrading, is it still degrading? Should the definition and standards of what is termed degrading be determined by others, or by each individual as it applies to themself? 

In my opinion if you say that all sex workers are degraded it’s like saying that all sexuality and sex involving women is degrading. If a woman has sex with a man in privacy, vs. the same woman doing the same thing but in front of a camera, what all of a sudden made it degrading?  The camera? Other people watching? Why is that degrading? Now, if you say – it is the way the woman is being depicted – then perhaps you have an argument. If the woman is being treated in a way that makes her feel inferior or worthless – and that is not what she wants - then I will agree it is degrading.  But that doesn’t mean every single adult movie out there is degrading to women.  Why do feel the need to throw all pornography into one bucket and call that whole bucket “wrong”?

 I’ll use another analogy.  Saying all sex workers are degraded is like saying all waitresses are degraded. I should know, I used to be a waitress and I can recall many times where I was treated in a degrading manner. In fact, I think anyone who has worked in the service industry can relate.  Anyone who is part of a minority can relate. Probably all of us have been treated with degredation at some point (or several points) in our lives. Does that mean that we should always blame the person who tried to degrade us?  Should we blame ourselves for being in that situation? What made it degrading? How did you react? These are all important questions, and until those are answered, we can not draw any real conclusions.

I have done some research (I’ll give you some links at the end of this) regarding female porn stars and their opinions about their industry.  Most of them not only disagree that what they do is degrading to women, they actually consider it empowering. It is one of the few (if not only) careers where women get paid way more than men, they determine when they work, who they work with, what they will and will not do, and for how much. And they are doing something they enjoy.  How many women (or men, for that matter!) can say those things about their current job/career? The other interesting trend that I have learned about is that there are more and more women on the other side of the camera in the adult industry. They are starting their own businesses, directing the scenes, creating a different view (a woman’s view) of sex and pornography.  And I for one say – it’s about time!

Well, I have more to say, but I’ll save if for another post….lol.  Here are some links to studies about women and pornography:

A Feminist Defense of Pornography
Research on Pornography
Pornography – Safe or Sexual?