There’s no doubt this happens more often than we’d like to imagine. And although I’ve never had it happen to me, I’ve heard this type of story a few times over the years from various friends of mine.

Here’s the general scenario. You are hanging out somewhere (a party, a bar, a club, maybe even work), minding your own business, and you happen to find yourself talking to the boyfriend/husband of a girl friend of yours. You are being friendly because this is your girl’s dude and you want to get along. You may even enjoy his company and consider him a friend as well. What you are not doing is flirting. No one else is close by – inlcuding your girl friend – and all of a sudden you realize the guy is making a pass at you. Maybe he touches you “that way”, maybe he tells you he has feelings for you, maybe he full on goes in for the kiss. Regardless of how he does it, you KNOW he wants you. Sexually. Sooner than later. In spite of (becuase of?) your friendship with his girlfriend/wife. Yikes!

Your mind is reeling and you know you have to think fast about how to react. Unless you are a complete slutty bitch (yes, I have strong opinions about this), you figure out a way to stop the process immediately. There are two options for how to do this:

1. Politely tell him you are not interested (or tell him off not so politely)
2. Pretend it didn’t happen, excuse yourself, and avoid him in the future

Either way, you are still faced with the most difficult decision: do you tell your girlfriend or not? There is no easy answer here. Both options could have a negative outcome:

1. You never tell your girlfriend, and she continues to love someone you know is an asshole. You feel like a horrible friend for not being honest with her, and not trying to warn her.
2. You tell your girlfriend and she doesn’t believe you, and it destroys your friendship.

Unfortunately, my observation is that number 2 is the most common. I understand that when we are in a relationship it is often difficult to see clearly, especially if it’s something negative about the one we love. I realize that there are always women out there that are caddy selfish bitches that wouldn’t think twice about stealing our boyfriends/husbands. But once again I am disappointed at how women treat other women. Why do we not believe – or at least hear out our girl friend when she comes to us in confidence, trying to be a good friend? Why is the love of a man more important than the love of a friend?

Personally I think there are several problems that contribute to this type of scenario:

1. Women remain friends with other women that they know are caddy, selfish bitches whom they can’t trust
2. Women remain in relationships with men who are assholes, through ignorance or innocence
3. The reasons for the above is usually due to low self-esteem
4. Therefore a woman does not like to be confronted with the possibility of infidelity
5. Men take advantage of all of the above

So, what to do if your friend’s man makes a pass at you? Honestly, I don’t know. I guess it would depend on the factors in my list above. There’s probably no right answer, but perhaps some of you out there can share your experience and advice? Let us know what you think…

OK, so yesterday I went on a rant about how women disregard and disrespect other women when they knowingly have sexual relations with a married man. Women need to change this in themselves, because obviously society seems to care less about the woman who contributed to a married man’s infidelity, and they put the entire focus on the man. Ladies, if you want to be treated equally, you need to take the good with the bad. Take responsibility for yourself and your actions, and how they affect other women.

That’s right, ladies. Make a pledge right now to consider how you affect other women in this world. Make your decisions with that in mind. I’m not saying you should ignore how what you do affects men, but just make sure you are true to other women. Be the kind of woman that could be alone with someone’s husband and regardless of how sexy, smart, rich, or famous he is, you would keep your girl bits to yourself. Imagine a world of women like that. I mean it would almost wipe out infidelity (of course there is that percentage of men that cheat with someone from their own team – and these rules apply equally to them, but to keep things simple for this post I’ll keep it to a heterosexual discussion.)

Chicks Before Dicks!

Maybe you could even carry it into the workplace. Help a sister out. Be a good role model for the younger up and coming women in the company, rather than be threatened by them.

Chicks Before Dicks!

Maybe this might even help with your female friendships. Don’t treat your friends like competition. Help them look as good as they can and be as confident as they can. Even if you’re all single and vying for that elusive “perfect guy”.

Chicks Before Dicks!

Maybe you could be a good role model for your daughter, neice, or other younger family member. Teach her to abide by the rule of honoring other women. OK, you might wanna change up the phrase to make it kid-friendly, but the concept is applicable for all ages. In fact the earlier a girl learns to respect other women, the better. And in learning that women are worthy of respect, she’ll gain self-respect too.

Chicks Before Dicks!

What other aspect of your life could benefit from this concept?….

I’ve been stewing about this for a while and decided to vent. Now before I go on my rant, I want to say that I think what Tiger Woods did was wrong, selfish, unacceptable, and dispicable. He cheated on his wife and family repeatedly and with no regard for how it would affect others. He deserves the scruitiny and shame he’s been getting, and then some. But….(you knew there was gonna be a but) what I want to know is where are the public apologies from the women Tiger Woods was with?

As they say, it takes two to tango, and this is no exception. The women that had sexual relations with Tiger Woods are equally to blame and it’s my opinion that each and every one of them should have to publicly apologize as well. Now, normally there might be the excuse that these sluts (yes, I think they’re sluts – and I don’t use that word lightly) didn’t know he was a married man. Yeah. Except that he is one of the most recognizable people on the planet. I’m not a golf fan, and in fact I have never purposefully watched a golf game, on TV or otherwise. I also don’t watch a lot of sports news, regular news, or really much TV in general. But I know exactly who the hell Tiger Woods is! And so did these bitches (OK, tryin’ to be nice) ladies. And yet despite – and probably because – they new EXACTLY who he was, they f’d him. Many of them more than once!

I know that sex and power, and specifically celebrity are persuasive creatures. And I understand that sometimes feelings, especially of a sexual nature are difficult to ignore. I get it. But seriously, ladies! I really have a hard time understanding how you could knowingly do that kind of damage to another human being – another woman. What happened to girl power? What happened to doing the right thing for another woman in the world? Oh yeah, women don’t seem to have too great of a track record when it comes to that. The guys, they have their saying “Bros before ho’s.” Where’s our saying? Maybe it’s becuase we don’t subscribe to that concept, but I’m gonna start a movement! I’m gonna coin a phrase, and maybe it’ll catch on – in word and in deed:

Chicks Before Dicks! Chicks Before Dicks! Chicks Before Dicks! (see, doesn’t that feel good to say?)

In fact, I think this concept deserves it’s own post, so I’ll just end this and say that this will be continued!

To the ladies that contributed to Tiger’s infidelity, I am waiting to hear your apology. I’ll bet I’m not the only one!

Well, every once in a while I’m going to post a topic that has a bit more depth and seriousness, so I thought I’d tackle one of the “biggies” in the sex department: infidelity. Although there may be varying opinions on the exact definition (“I did not have sex with that woman” comes to mind!), for the purposes of this post, I am talking about a person in a committed relationship who secretly engages in sexual activity (touching private parts) with someone other than their partner.

 Although this is a serious subject, I thought I’d start off with a little antecdote.  This is a story I heard from a friend, who heard it from her friend, etc.  Apparently a woman was suspicious that her husband was having an affair so she decided to come home early, and lo and behold she caught him, mid-coitus, with antoher woman. And since the husband had been a master at manipulating his wife thusfar and successful at covering his tracks, he thought he’d give this one a go.  He immediately began to tell her that this was not what it looked like at all, quite defensively.  When she refused to believe any of his ridiculous stories, he became indignant and said, “Well, who do you believe? Me, or your eyes?” Fortunately, the woman decided to trust her eyes, rather than Mr. Liar Liar Pants On Fire. It still amazes me that he was that dumb/ballsy/egotistical/shallow, to think she would fall for that! Though, I’m sure somewhere out there, there are folks that would….unfortunatley!

Anyway, so infidelity. Is it ever OK? Generally speaking, my opinion is no.  I may have adventurous “morals” when it comes to pornography and sex toys, but I am a firm believer in fidelity, honesty, and ethical behavior. However, I have learned that nothing in this life is black and white, so I ponder what possible scenarios would make it OK? If not OK, at least understandable.  What if you are in a loveless marriage? What if your partner cheated on you first?  Well, my first answer is – then get a divorce.  But: What if the partner makes threats to try and keep you from getting a divorce? What if you don’t want to put your young kids through a divorce? What if you are financially dependant upon your partner and can’t afford to be divorced? These are all scenarios that seem to put you in a bit of a trap. Stay in the marriage, have zero sex/love/intimacy/touch, but maintain your finances/kids/normal routines.  Or, ask for a divorce, go through hell, put your kids through hell, your finances through hell, and embark on an new, scary and unknown future.  Or, stay in your marriage so you have the financial and domestic stability – and then cheat on your partner to have the sex/love/intimacy/touch you crave. Hmmmm – none of these seem like great choices.

I’d like to expore option three: cheat.  OK, so let’s say you decide you’re going to try this option. In theory, it sounds like at least a decent compromise, especially if your partner is doing it (hey, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander, right?)  And perhaps it would even turn out OK - you could have your cake and eat it too, girlfriend!  Heck, it might even make sex a bit more exciting – you’d have that “doing something bad”, “we might get caught” excitement! But personally, when I have a tough decision to make, I look at possible consequences.  This is my philosophy: “What is the worst-case scenario, and am I OK with it?” If I’m not, then I just don’t do it. Period. So, what is the worst-case scenario? Certainly one could argue it would be getting caught.  What would your partner do? How would it affect your relationship? What if your child(ren) found out? Another “worst-case scenario” might be – you actually fall in love with your lover. Now what do you do? Leave your husband for your lover? Continue with your loveless marriage and your loving affair – not able to fulfill a 100% committment to the one you love? Hmmmm.

What about a little twist on the cheating concept: what if you tell your partner the truth? What if you discuss the fact that the passion is gone, but getting a divorce would have dire consequences for you both?  What if you tell your partner you want to have an affair? Hey, he can have his, you’ll have yours, and you can stay in the marriage for convenience-sake. Certainly that wouldn’t work in many scenarios because the partner wouldn’t agree to it.  But would it be OK if both partners agreed to it ahead of time?  It does take care of the “honesty” dilema.  However, there are still “worst-case scenarios” like your child(ren) finding out.  Hmmmm…..

I have another angle on this.  What if your lover was also in a relationship/marriage.  Are you OK with hurting his partner? Could you inflict that kind of pain on another human being? If you have ever been cheated on, and hurt in that way, this is a serious consideration. And since I for one believe in Karma/The Golden Rule/What come around goes around (whatever you want to call it), I think I’d have to factor this into the equation as well.  As if it weren’t complicated enough! Hmmmm….

Well, I’ve said a lot, and voiced my opinion, but this is probably the most important thing I can say:  Since this is not a psychology blog, I am not a counselor, and I don’t know your unique situation, this is my ultimate recommendation. If your relationship/marriage is in trouble – please seek the help of a professional counselor/psychologist/therapist. This is serious stuff, and if you care about the other person, not to mention yourself, not to mention if there are other loved-ones that are being affected, you need to do this.  NOW! Do not make excuses – figure out a way to do it. Make the time, set aside the money, get support from friends/family, just get there. Your partner won’t join you? Go by yourself. Just go! The problem isn’t going to go away, and you deserve to make the best of your life, starting now.

What are you doing still reading this? Go call a therapist, for goodnessake!