How many times have you heard that if a woman calls a guy “nice”, it’s like the kiss of death? Yep, if I had a nickel for every time…(you know the rest). And despite the logic, I tend to think there is some truth to that statement. However misguided, however crazy, most women don’t want Mr. Sensitive Ponytail Man (I know, I’m dating myself by quoting from the movie Singles…lol.) Anyway, I think many women fantasize about being taken by some bad-ass dude, and in the real world they end up falling for an asshole.
And herein lies the disconnect, as I see it. Women don’t actually want a bad-ass (except in their fantasies – hey, I’ll admit to daydreaming about being with a rugged – but still good looking – Harley guy). OK, before I digress into my fantasies, let’s get back on track. Most women don’t actually want a bad-ass, but they do want a man who is confident. Unfortunately, many ladies out there have a difficult time distinguishing between “confident” and “asshole”, and wind up with the latter. So, here are some suggestions on how you can tell the difference:
Confident: He walks across the room, looks you in the eyes and says, “Would you like to dance?”
Asshole: He struts across the room, looks at your rack, and says, “How YOU doin”?”
Confident: He makes reservations at a restaraunt for your first date
Asshole: He orders your food for you
Confident: He tries to teach you his favorite sport/activity while making sure you’re having fun
Asshole: He tries to teach you his favorite sport/activity and is more concerned about how he performs
Confident: He kisses you passionately, picks you up, and carries you to the bedroom
Asshole: He grabs your boobs, feels you up, and drops his pants right then and there
OK, enough with the comparisons. I know those ones are pretty easy, but hopefully the concept will help you for when the differences are more subtle. When in doubt, ask yourself, “Confident? Or Asshole?” And although an asshole is rarely nice (except to get what he wants), might I be so bold as to suggest that a confident guy can - and should - be “nice”. Women don’t have to put up with an asshole, and they don’t have to settle for Mr. Sensitive – there is another option!
One last thought. I think that all men (and women for that matter) are capable of the spectrum, so just because your guy has a momentary lapse of judgement and tries on the asshole hat temporarily, that doesn’t mean you should dump him immediately. It does mean that you should not let him get away with it. Trust me, my husband will be the first to tell you that if he’s out of line (which is rare), I have NO problem saying, “Honey, you’re being an ASS!” Of course, usually I get better results when I point it out in a less “in your face” kinda way, but one way or another I get my point across. He may jokingly complain about how it sucks that I don’t put up with any shit, but I remind him that he wouldn’t be attracted to me if I was weak.
Which of course brings us full circle. The kind of guy that’s mature enough to be “confident” instead of an “asshole”, is also the kind of guy that expects the same from the woman he’s with. So I guess I’ll have to do a follow-up to this post, which would be: Ladies, don’t be a bitch, just be confident. Stay tuned….
