Yes, that’s what I said – you can learn from porn (and when I say “you”, I’m refering to those of you out there who are heterosexual women – or at the very least, someone who likes or wants to like sex with a man.) And the porn I’m talking about isn’t an adult “instructional” video (although some of them are pretty cool.) I’m talking about your garden-variety, made for the heterosexual male audience, adult movies. Sure they can be cheesy and crass, and many are borderline or downright degrading to women. But hidden within the typical porn scene, there are some nuggets of information that can improve your sex life (and your partner’s too.)

First, let’s go over some of the things you will NOT learn from porn (though I suspect most of you already know this…) You will not learn how to love, or be in a loving relationship (sex is only PART of the picture). You will not learn how to be a porn star (there’s a lot more to it than what you see in a porn scene.) And you will definitely not learn how to balance the sexual aspect of your life with all the other aspects, mearly from watching porn.

 Now that we’ve defined our expectations, here’s what you CAN learn from porn:

1. What kind of sex does a man like? Do you think you already know this? Think again. Watch some porn – you might be surprised. And yet, it’s actually pretty logical. Most porn out there is created and marketed with the male audience in mind (one of my pet peeves, for sure, but that’s another topic for another post!) And ladies, those men out there are buying and watching it in droves (yes, probably YOUR man, whether you know it or not.) Sex, and particularly masturbation, is one of the most honest actions out there because you can not make yourself get off on something that doesn’t get you off. With a partner, you may be able to “fake” it, but you’ll never be able to truly get off unless you are doing or watching something that really turns you on. My point is, the porn that’s popular is popular because that’s what gets men off – even if they choose not to admit it to you.

2. I’ve seen what kind of sex the typical man likes, but now what? So, I’ve watched some porn and seen what’s popular. So what? How does that apply to me? I’m not a porn star. I can’t/won’t do what they do! Can I? Well, here’s my philosophy. If you are in a loving relationship, or if you at least are motivated to please your man, then why wouldn’t you want to give him what he wants? (Of course, the caveat here is that you have EVERY right to ask him to give you what you want in return, but again that’s another post for another time.) I don’t know why it is that this concept is so difficult for many women, but it’s where I part company with them. Most likely you’ve got this concept down in other aspects of your life – you cook him what he likes. You give him gifts you know he likes. So, why should sex be different? Give him what he likes. That may not sound very “feminist”, but hear me out. Certainly there are boundaries. If you are truly not comfortable with something then absolutely don’t do it. No one should ever force you to do something against your will. But if you are just holding out because you find something ”icky”, or because you are too lazy to learn or try something new, or perhaps you like playing games by witholding what he likes, then it’s time for a reality check. There’s give and take with everything in a relationship, and sex is no different. Just because it doesn’t turn YOU on, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. And just because you act like a porn star doesn’t mean you ARE one. It’s OK to enjoy sex. It’s OK to enjoy pleasing your man. It is not wrong, evil, and it doesn’t have to be degrading. Do your man a favor! Do yourself a favor! Pick one move that you saw in a porn scene, and just try it the next time you’re with your man. Men are simple creatures. Something as simple as spitting on their dick while giving them a blowjob will probably send them over the edge! Even if that particular move doesn’t seem to do much, he will appreciate your effort. Either way, go back and pick another one. And another one until you have a nice bag of tricks. You think I’m full of shit? Try it – and then come back here and post a comment. I’ll approve all comments, positive or negative, as long as they are true feedback about this topic.

 3. Enjoy pleasing your man! OK, like I said you don’t have to get off to it yourself, but just look at how much fun your guy is having. I don’t know about you, but turning my man on turns me on. Seeing that look on his face when I rock his world gets me closer to my own nirvana. And over the years I’ve actually become more and more “into it”. I like playing the sexy slut (yes, I said slut) who’s only for his eyes and his enjoyment! Perhaps that’s why we still rock the bedroom even though we’ve been having sex with each other for over a decade.

 So, in conclusion, I recommend at least a small dose of porn on a regular basis. These days, it’s super easy to watch porn in the privacy of your own home, when it’s convenient for you. Perhaps I’ll do a follow-up post with more information on finding good porn online. In the meantime, check out my links list to the right – it’s all stuff I enjoy. I hope you do too!