So, apparently I needed to look up some statistical data to determine my intuitive guess.  And just as I assumed, there are not a lot of women who have orgasms from intercourse – or that have them regularly at all.  I had arrived at this theory, not due to my own experience (I know, I’m one of those lucky bitches who cums pretty easily….more on that later), but due to listening to and reading about other women’s experiences.  Holy crap, there are so many women that have a hard time cumming!  According to my research, about 10% of women have NEVER had an orgasm.  And only about 30% of women can have an orgasm from intercourse only (the remainder need clitoral stimulation to reach that elusive finish line.)  Dang!  Seeing those numbers makes me want to figure out how to improve them!  It’s no wonder that women in long-term relationships tend to have sex less often.  I mean, if you KNEW you weren’t gonna get yours most of the time, and you had already “been there, done that” many times, and then add factors like a busy life, job, kids, that create a constant state of exhaustion, it’s no wonder that most women in a long-term relationship are not really interested in sex nearly as often as their male partner.  I am of course speaking of straight couples – I would imagine that lesbian couples may have an entirely different experience (which perhaps I can explore on a later post.)  Anyway, I came to an “a-ha” moment recently about this.  If a woman like me (who pretty much cums every time I have sex with my husband), still finds herself turning him down due to exhaustion and/or just not being in the mood (we women are complex creatures – even those of us that are pretty comfortable with our sexuality), then how much more difficult must it be for a woman who doesn’t normally reach an orgasm to agree to sex with her long-term partner?  I mean, I may start out being sort of half into it, but by the time I am basking in the afterglow, I am always glad I succumbed to my husband’s advances, and am usually wondering why we don’t do it more often.  But I have to be honest and say that if I knew it was only going to be for his pleasure, I would most certainly turn him down more often.

So, I am a firm believer that in order to fix a problem you have to understand why it’s happening to begin with.  According to my research, there are a few reasons why women don’t/can’t orgasm.  Apparently there are some biological reasons (some women just seem to be more predisposed to cum than others.)  Experience plays a part, too.  As women have more sexual experiences, they are able to learn what turns them on, and what exact physical stimulation is required for that elusive “O”.  And most experts agree that the woman’s mental state has a lot to do with it.  If you are inhibited, anxious, nervous, stressed-out or otherwise preoccupied, reaching an orgasm is virtually impossible.  There are scientific reasons for this, and if you’re interested, there’s a wealth of information on the web for you to discover.  But since I don’t want my blog posts to be anthologies, I will let you do your own research on the details.  Suffice it to say that if your mind isn’t on the same page as your sex-drive, you’re spinning your wheels.  Unlike guys, who can easily shut off their minds during sex, we women have to jump through a few more hoops to “get there”.

So, HOW do we get there?   Well, as with most important things in life, the answer is extremely complex, and dependent upon the individual.  But I did seem to find some common themes in my research.  Here are a few tips:

- If you have no problem reaching an orgasm when flying solo (masturbating), then your problem is more likely mental.
- Use clitoral stimulation in conjunction with intercourse (does it really matter how you get there as long as you get there?)
- Try new stuff (you never know what may hit that high note for you!)
- Speak up!  Tell him what he needs to do to get you where you want to be
- Do whatever it takes to rid yourself of stress, anxiety, and any other roadblocks – at least during sex!

That’s just a brief excerpt of the information I found.  If you are interested in learning more about how you can improve your own orgasm odds, I recommend you do some research on the web that you can tailor to your own needs/situation.  In addition, there is some great information on some of my favorite websites: Babeland, EdenFantasys, and Hot Movies For Her.  If you are committed to improving your sex life, there’s a good chance will be successful!

Here’s to more orgasms more often for women everywhere!