So, I was recently talking with my friend and we were discussing how your sex life changes when you have been with someone for a “long time” (I have purposefully made this term vague because the definition of “long time” is different for everyone, but most of us reach that threshold, that point of no return, eventually.)  Mind you, I am not saying it’s a bad thing, just a different thing.  And for many reasons, which I won’t go into because that’s not what this post is about, we seem to sort of settle into a routine (in general and in relation to sex) when we’re in a long-term relationship.

Since sex is unquestionably one of the most important factors in a relationship, and most folks usually strive to stay in a relationship for as long as possible, I think this is worth a post.  Just as all relationships are unique, so are the ways in which we keep our sex life exciting.  Personally, I’ve been with my hubby for close to 15 years.  Yikes that’s a long time!  Well, in my own subjective view anyway.  And yet I feel fortunate that I can honestly say he still turns me on!  Even though the butterflies in the stomach, the twitterpaited (that’s a Bambi reference, however I’m not sure how to spell it….) feeling is a thing of the past, I can still look at my man and get excited that I’m with him.  We still hold hands, even in public, and are generally affectionate with each other (which will no doubt embarrass our kids when they get older. Heh!)  But I will admit that in the day to day craziness of family life, we are not as focused on that physical contact any more.  And I am sure many folks out there have let pretty much all affection fade into non-existence.

So, how do we keep things fresh?  Let’s explore a few options.  In addition to tapping the well of my own creativity, I have some creative girlfriends, and I’ve been able to learn a few things from them.  One of my friends recently said that even if she’s not exactly in the mood, she rarely turns her husband down.  Wow.  I consider myself to be more horny than most chicks, but I’ll go ahead and admit that my dear husband has gotten a fair share of turn-downs! Hey, we’ve got two kids and I’m freakin’ exhausted at the end of the day, so there.  Of course since my friend has two kids as well, I guess I really can’t use that as an excuse now, can I?  Anyway, I asked her why she operates this way, and she said that it really is a pretty simple thing to do for him, she knows it makes him happy, and who wouldn’t want a happy man around the house?  Huh.  Never thought of it exactly in that way until then, but I had to admit she had a point.  Since then, I have tried to put myself in that mindset.  It’s actually easier than I thought.  Especially because I always end up enjoying it once we’re “in process”, and I usually end up thinking – why don’t we do this more often?  So, I try and keep that end result in mind, when I get that little nudge/look/pinch/grope (Dudes.  They’re nothing if not obvious, right?)

Sometimes, the actress in me comes in handy (I’m not talking about faking it, by the way.)  It’s a little exercise called “sense memory”.  I try and recall when we first started dating and how he used to make me feel just by walking into the room.  Those sexy blue eyes, that glowing surfer tan, and rippling muscles, that “commando” bulge in his Levi’s 501’s…..and I’m there!  I think I feel a little tingle down below even just from typing this!  I remember how we would lick and suck and fuck (OK, sometimes it was make love) all night.  Literally, the sun would be coming up.  My mouth was sore from making out so much – not to mention other parts of my body that were sore!  And the passion!  He was so tender and yet so strong.  He knew exactly what to do and when to do it to make me shiver with pleasure.  And now fast-forward several years (and two kids) later, and there he is.  That same guy.  He still has no problem bringing me pleasure!  He’s been there all along, but I guess sometimes I get so busy I forget to see him.  I mean really see him.  Perhaps it’s obvious and cliche, but I’ve realized a trip down memory lane is definitely good for your sex life!

Sometimes, as we grow older and more mature, we find new things that turn us on.  Another friend of mine recently mentioned that seeing a man doing something around the house that he doesn’t normally do would totally turn her on.  Certainly this is not the kind of thing that would have turned me on in my 20’s, pre-marriage.  That’s not really what I was looking for.  But I have to admit that it has a certain appeal now!  I am fortunate that my husband is actually the neat freak of the family (yes, it’s awesome but it does have it’s down side too….another post perhaps….) but I enjoy watching him mow the lawn, put together a new toy, or wrestle with our kids.  I think most women in my stage in life would agree that there’s something about a strong man engaged in domestic activities that’s downright sexy!  The only caveat about this, is that usually when my guy is doing some domestic duty, it’s not exactly the best time to jump him!  So instead I conjure up these images once we are free to do as we please.  Hopefully I won’t blurt out “oh yeah babe, push that vacuum cleaner!” the next time our bodies are entangled in passionate sex….although since he is the neat freak, perhaps he could roll with it….