So, it’s been my observation that many 30 to 40-something women seem to be generally at peace with who they are by now.  They have had some experiences, gained some knowledge, and generally feel comfortable with who they have turned out to be - mentally and physically, and in particular sexually.  I find it ironic that women in their 30’s and 40’s (and beyond?) often see themselves as the most complete they have ever been.  This is in spite of the fact that physically they may be at a point slightly beyond their peak.

I’m no expert, so I can’t really give you any specific evidence or professional reasoning.  But, I wager to guess there’s a host of factors.  For one, I think that my generation - and previous ones - have grappled with growing up in a society that still has sexist (and sometimes downright misogynist) viewpoints.  Many are subtle, and a few are pretty obvious.  There is still a double-standard when it comes to parenting a girl vs. parenting a boy.  A promiscuous girl is a slut (negative connotation), whereas a promiscuous boy is a stud (positive connotation.)  That is just one example, but suffice it to say that growing up as a girl provides you with a very different perspective and self-esteem, than growing up as a boy.  I think a woman that has grown up in the current society has to go through several years of self-discovery before realizing what an amazing creature she truly is.  It is this process, this discovery, that finally reveals the complete woman - mentally, spiritually, sexually - and the realization that the physical is secondary to these things.

How ironic that by the time a woman totally “gets it” in the sex department, she is most likely years into a committed relationship, and perhaps not at her physical prime.  I’m not saying it’s a bad thing.  Certainly if the woman can capitalize on this new-found completeness, it is not only to her own advantage, but to the advantage of the guy she’s with.  And one of the things I appreciate about guys is the fact that - and ladies I want you to really hear this - a woman does not have to be perfect to be attractive to a guy.  Sure, there are guys that have ridiculous physical standards - but I’m going to guess that for the most part those guys are so superficial and into themselves that it’s likely they are not going to be that into pleasing you anyway.  And trust me - you want a guy that is into pleasing you!  Most guys - and this is one of the things I love about guys - most of them appreciate you for who you are.  We as women are much much harder on ourselves - and each other (which is another post for another day!)

I am hopeful that this conundrum is diminishing.  I recently read an article about how women currently in college are very comfortable with themselves sexually.  They have no problem admitting they watch porn, and have healthy sex lives.  These are women that have (in my opinion) realized their “completeness” earlier.  And hopefully they will reap the benefits.  I am not saying they don’t have their share of baggage - everyone does.  But I am hopeful and joyful at the prospect that young adult women today are enjoying themselves sexually while they are still at their peak physically.  Wow, what a combination!  Ladies, we are a force to be reckoned with, and don’t you forget it!  We are the whole package - and we should be proud of that.  And regardless of when you realize it, becoming comfortable - becoming proud - of who you are is essential to your well-being.

I wish each of you that feeling of completeness - that feeling of contentment and pride - in being an amazing creature in this world.  In being a woman.  And as much as I try to shy away from any cheesy characterization, male or female, I find myself secretly wanting to beat my chest and say “I am woman, hear me roar!”